Cravings and Overdoing it

I have not been doing too well this holiday season and feel pretty gross! It started with Christmas eve, I hate that feeling of fullness when you just eat too much and feel very uncomfortable. Something didn't sit well with me and for the next 2-3 days I was just bloated and didn't want to eat anything but toast and butter, or pasta and butter. For the past few weeks, I've been anti veggies. I can do potatoes, california mashers, and tomatoes but broccoli, spinach and anything I overate at Thanksgiving, I cannot handle. I had this experience in college with marinated mushrooms - I would eat them all the time. Finally, I could not look at them anymore. That is how I feel right now about broccoli, spinach and most vegetables. I could eat toast for breakfast lunch and dinner, and I'm totally into cheese, and could eat pizza everyday (but haven't had it since that time a couple weeks ago when that was all I wanted).

Luckily, I've been running and doing good with the workouts, especially here for the last week of the HBBC! But I wish I could get the fruits and veggies back up!

Other than that, I'm keeping busy planning Nick's birthday (airplane theme) and taking pictures with my new camera! For a first birthday, did you give/get favors?




My sister took me to a place in town called SPRINKLES... DEADLY!
You get a HUGE cup (they are oversized as part of the ploy) and fill your own soft serve (around 12 flavors) then get your own toppings (39 of them to choose from) and then weigh it and pay 40 cents an ounce. For both of ours it was $11 ! For Ice cream! The good thing is it is actually soft serve froyo so half cup ranged from around 100-120 calories. Here's some pictures below:

Kristen's - vanilla and fruity
sorbet with coconut, strawberries, chocolate chips

my mix: cake batter and chocolate and vanilla w/ oreos, reeses, cookie dough

What I got for ChristmaS!

Christmas was so nice with Nick this year. Very exciting and fun! It was more fun opening his gifts than our own, and I don't remember the last time I was so excited to get up. Nick was jumping up and down in his crib. So cute! Just turn down the volume because my baby voice will make you never read this blog again!

What did you get for Christmas? Nick got tons of clothes, toys and books and a rocking chair.

I got:

A flip video camera - very cool and small
A locket to hold pictures of Bill, me and Nick
My mom and dad totally shocked and surprised me with an awesome Nikon Camera for my birthday!

My brother taught me basics of photoshop

I got a cool warm/cold underarmour long sleeve running shirt that is reversible for warm/cold weather.

My friend Nicole got me PBK and Pottery Barn gift cards so I can go crazy there!

Also a bunch of small things

I have a handful of returns to make but am so happy with everything that I got!


Here is the result of my new camera and photoshop lesson:

Merry Christmas! Christmas Eve menu

Merry Christmas!

Nick made out with tons of toys, a rocking chair and clothes.
It was definitely more exciting opening his gifts than mine!


The spread for Christmas Eve:

multigrain cracker and chips,

Cheese, Hot salsa

Hummus and veggies

Spinach and artichoke dip (so easy to make!)

Toast circles with herbs de provence

Spanakopita (that I made way too big) and
pigs in the blanket (only non vegetarian item,ha!)

Spinach and mushroom veggie lasanga!

Everything was so good! I ate way too much! Good thing I ran yesterday morning and then went out again in the cold with my sister so I ran almost 11 miles on the day. This morning and all last night I felt awful. I hate when you overdo it. Running definitely made me feel better - just 4 miles this morning and I want to just be active all day in preparation for tonight's dinner, where I have to TAKE IT EASY!

Merry Christmas!

Here is our Christmas card. I couldn't decide on one picture and really liked this one, so I did a folded card and went all out. These didn't turn out so well scanned in, but here it is:

The front!


The inside had this picture and then some writing on the other side.

" May you view the holiday season through the eyes of a child" - Bill, Natalie & Nick

Back - no one looks at it but totally necessary, right? Not really.

I got an early present or two - a blender just a little while after cursing about the one I've been using to make Nick's food, Bill picked up on that one! and an umbrella stroller from my mom/dad. Yippee! I am like a child at Christmas for sure.


Last minute wish list?:

**Those laces that go on your shoes so you don't have to tie them? Yaks?
**Arm Warmers
**Cricut Cartridges? Anyone know what they are? Just got into this and bought a machine!
(for scrapbooking, making etsy things, oh yea!) and I had my first etsy sale over the weekend! Whew!!!!

** No lace shoes - slip on sneakers/comfortable shoes
(**Shopping assistant and new wardrobe)

What's on your list? Think you are going to get it?

Best wishes to all! Delicious food to be posted tomorrow : )

High Chair Review: Graco Blossom

I have to just rave about this high chair that I got for Nick a while back because when I was looking for high chairs, I had NO CLUE.

This is the Graco Blossom in Bombay. It says it is a 4 in 1. I think it is more like 3 in one - it can go on a seat as a booster, used as a high chair and used without the tray just pushed up to the table. The best feature, I think, is that the seat reclines! This means if Nick is having a bottle, I can put his seat back and it is perfect. The tray comes with a top that comes off for cleaning(which is necessary now almost everyday with finger food going on), and it is nicely cushioned and easy to wipe down. It is also on wheels and easy to move.

Pros: Reclines, wheels, plastic tray that comes off for washing, leather easy to clean padding, comfortable (I believe), 3 different settings (grows with your child!)
Cons: It does not fold up, it is $$$ at 179.99 (however use a 20% off coupon that comes out almost all the time!)


I totally recommend it.

In other news, last night I made the veggie lasanga for Christmas Eve dinner - I used whole wheat noodles with ricotta mixed with spinach and used cut up mushrooms as one of the layers after the tomato sauce. I have to take a picture tomorrow.

Today I made spanakopita - pretty easy but time consuming and a chocolate cake I'd been eyeing up on the 10x box. I think both turned out well - for tomorrow night!

need to brown it tomorrow!

one of the layers pre-icing:



cream cheese chocolate icing - mmm I think Angela K would love this!!



2 more days (really 1) till Christmas! Hope everyone has their shopping done!

Baking;Cooking;1 mile race

1 miler!
Running Laur was holding a 1 mile virtual race/run for this week. I did my 6 miles this morning and saved one to "race" during Nick's afternoon nap. I ended up warming up one and going at a decent clip for the 2nd mile coming in at 8:02 - on the treadmill. It would have been cool to go to a track to do it and get my real time, but that wasn't in the cards. Maybe one of the days over the break! This was a great motivator though - it made me do an extra mile today!

Tis the season
Today started the cooking and baking for Christmas Eve. I am making a semi-healthy lasagna, some yummy dips and hope to make a chocolate cake for dessert along with Christmas cookies that have been frozen since baking extraganza a few weekends ago. I am not in the mood at all to make any more cookies!



Breastfeeding - Do I give up?
Until right about a month ago, things were going fine. Nick was definitely losing interest quickly and I was getting frustrated. I gave up on feeding him directly from the source except first thing in the morning which means that I pump 3 times a day. And pumping 3 times a day only gets me 6 ounces, which is enough for his bedtime bottle. Part of me doesn't want to quit since I just have about a month and a half till 1 year and the other part of me just wants to throw in the towel, give him formula for another few weeks and start up the whole milk. I think it is great he gets 2 servings of breastmilk everyday, but in the end, I don't know how much it matters. The whole thing of drying up has been frustrating to someone who didn't even want to do it pre-baby.

the best way to spread christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear~
:) Elf


We got around 18 inches of snow here near Philadelphia.
We took Nick out and he wasn't too thrilled - he did not smile until we made it back in the house!
I think everything is more fun with a child so the snow was just that much more exciting having Nick around and taking him to the window and outside in the snow, something I normally would not have done!

Yesterday was a really fun day overall!
I made some whole wheat bread for Nick's sandwiches - he's a big fan of hummus on bread,
and we went outside twice. Today I made some coffee cake and we took him out sledding (though the snow was way too soft) so it turned into pulling him around.

I was supposed to meet Rebecca today for a run but the snow changed up our plans - hopefully soon we'll meet up for a run! Yesterday in the afternoon I did 7 miles on the treadmill - it was ok. This morning I did 7 and it felt GREAT. I need to finish about 2 more miles to get to my 30 miles for the week, so I'm hoping I 'll get that in this afternon!

In the meantime - here's Nick's Santa picture!
He sat there very serious looking and after about 2 minutes he cried.

Food

I was doing really well and tracking everything for almost a week and then I just didn't have the time for it, you know? And over Thanksgiving I was eating so many veggies while away, that when I came back, I did not want to look at a vegetable. I'm digging fruits right now, and trying to sneak in the veggies.

Pizza!
All I could think about this morning while I was swimming was pizza. The crust and taking a bite of it. Oh my gosh - it was awful. I was getting more hungry as each minute went on. I had to stop thinking about it. Last week I had pizza Thursday and Saturday and I could have had it every other day in between. My swimming is just not progressing - I feel like I am trying so hard and not moving. My stroke feels terrible and I feel like a big splashing whale pounding through the water. I don't know why!

I went to the produce market that I've been going to this morning and I have to say, it's an awesome place and I spend around $25-30 on a TON of produce, but the workers just suck. They are really not friendly people and act like we are privileged to shop there. I don't know why it bothers me but I never bring my cart back to the rest of the carts because I figure it will make the workers work extra. Isn't that mean? In the spirit of giving...

Ever since trying my first pomegranate a few weeks ago, I've bought at least one per week - delicious! They are so refreshing. In addition I've snagged some grapefruits from my parents house that were probably going to go bad, and these are refreshing too. The only thing I don't like about grapefruits is having to cut them in the outline to scoop out. It's hard - and I feel like I am always wasting fruit!

In Nick's world - he's crawling everywhere. He wants to walk everywhere with our help. He's having fun kicking a ball and then following it to kick again and pulling up on everything. It is pretty cute when I'm in the kitchen doing something and I feel the tug on my pants. How long from when they start walking with assistance do they walk on their own? It must be a scary process for sure! And his morning naps have been super short with a long afternoon one. When does the morning nap phase out? I like it for sure, so I'm not ready for that, but I bet then the afternoon one gets longer? Or maybe not.

And I think MCM is my best bet - great feedback!!
Happy weekend to all! We are getting some snow here tomorrow.

Over the last week, I've been trying to put things in perspective and have talked to a few friends who have reminded me that this time goes so quickly... so I've really tried to remember that.
Also, I've talked to a friend from work with a 2 year old who went back to work and is struggling. So.. the grass is always greener!

Running - I won't say I'm running when I feel like it, but I'm running on my normal schedule and trying to get my miles back up to 30 miles/ week, not sure why but I liked meeting that goal each week.

Swimming- I was kind of reaching burn out mode with that but you have one good day and you feel better.

Plans for 2010:
I'll do a few races for fun in the spring and maybe run a fall marathon - Chicago? Marine Corps? Maybe none! I probably won't be up for traveling by flight, so Marine Corps might be the best bet... anyone done that? Other ideas?

Sister

Thanks for the support on my last post. Ah - the struggles and questioning about going back to work.

Bill is away this weekend and Nick has been great. My sister came to stay with me yesterday and to make Christmas cookies. She came over around 3 and had been out the night before, so by 8pm she was passed out on my couch. No cookies were made. Haha. This morning I made pancake Sunday for her, but she was totally not into my healthy pumpkin pancakes. And as a side note, we met at a raw cafe over the summer and she was looking at her food like it was going to bite or attack her. We don't have the same eating habits and she can definitely eat more than me and still look good. The unfairness.

Today after we woke up and made the pancakes, it was time for some cookie baking. She picked out some recipes - peanut butter chocolate and black and white macaroons. She did most of the work - I have a cookie exchange on wednesday night so I wanted to use one of the recipes for it. The macaroons while totally horrible for you, were the winner since most people are bringing peanut butter/chocolate cookies. I'll post pictures later.

GUM - I was a gum ADDICT. Recently I stopped buying it and have been able to live without it!
I read in Runner's World yesterday that if you want to try to eat something healthier than desserts, buy some sugary cereal for your sweet tooth and you'll get a load of vitamins! So I took their advice and bought some reeses puffs today. Oh man - they are so good. None for Nick though! They are the perfect size for him, but way too much sugar.

For my airplane birthday theme, I'm working on the invites and favor labels. I think the favors will be some kind of food, maybe peanuts for the airplane thing or small cookies - any ideas?
Next I'm trying to think of a birthday banner - maybe airplane scrapbook paper as the background with big letters of his name saying Happy 1st birthday Nick. There is so much cool stuff on Etsy - I go on and get ideas, then make them myself!

musings

Some days it is a challenge. Today was a challenging day. Unfortunately I can't call in sick.
I've been MIA as I've been struggling to put my thoughts together. I'm definitely having some trouble missing teaching and needing something to keep that part of me going. With Nick walking with my help and crawling (more into walking around with me holding his hands), I am spent. I can't find any part-time teaching jobs but I'm just itching to have a class to teach, grade papers and plan for. I keep coming up with small projects but the time to do them - I'm not finding it. I did think of a theme for Nick's birthday - it will be AIRPLANES! He loves ceiling fans so the propeller of the airplane - it was the only thing that I could think of that he had a connection with!

Thoughts
***************************************************************************************

I don't want to pick up any more cheerios off the floor.

I don't feel like cleaning the floor twice a day because there are crumbs from the high chair on it.

I get food on my clothes and on the floor.

I don't feel like making a meal for Nick and then he won't eat it.

I don't feel like washing the dishes after breakfast, lunch and dinner, and cleaning up the high chair during my free time which is scant.

I don't feel like listening to him cry when he goes down for a nap.

I don't feel like going up to soothe him when he's screaming for no reason and standing in the crib when it is naptime.

And I don't feel like going through the same thing for bedtime after doing it for the nap.

I am tired, and frustrated. TGIF.

********************************************************************************
b-feeding
I've been very frustrated with the abrupt end to breastfeeding - I'm pumping 4 times a day and he nurses in the morning and gets a bottle of bm before bed. I had to get formula (yes, at 10 months wth!) for the other 2 bottles and have mixed with whole milk because at first he wouldn't take it. He hasn't taken a full bottle of formula yet, but it's getting closer to the majority of formula and less whole milk which he isn't even supposed to have till 12 months.

body crap
What really sucks is that with breastfeeding I've read alot of people go lose all their weight and then lose more than their pre-prego weight. I was hoping that'd be me because I was already 3 pounds up from my ideal / goal weight when I got pregnant. Instead from around 2 months on, I kept + 3 lbs that wouldn't go away. If any of you read Ironman Michelle's blog (I'm being very vague with what I post right now - more info later) and you know what she is going through, I am also in a similar situation. So with that, I am frustrated and not happy w/ my body right now, even though there has not been a day in a long time where I didn't workout. Isn't it frustrating to watch friends who can pound cheesesteaks, pizza, cookies and never eat a damn healthy thing and they look good? Maybe their insides don't look good? How will we ever know?

Fitting it all in
With the small projects that I make up - now Nick's birthday, also making up a website to sell things that I make, I want to hone in on them. I like to start something and finish it. That hasn't been possible. When Nick goes to bed, I want to work on my projects - but you also have to make time for your marriage, especially in this baby time where things are all over the place. I've had a hard time with the balancing act.

Running/swimming.
I'm in a swim rut, running has been going ok. I swam 2 sessions this week and have been doing some abs but still no lifting routine which I really need to get into and stop talking about it. I'm excited to get in some outside runs even if it is bitter cold. It's fun.

parting thoughts.
Days like today and I don't know how people do this stay at home mom thing everyday. There is no personal time and then you are supposed to find time to cook and clean too? I will take my job over this, at least I can have contact with adults, use my brain, and use the free periods to do some online shopping or things I want to do. In the end, every day isn't like today, but many days are challenging. And it is a huge adjustment to have no time to yourself.

First Birthday

Nick's birthday is in less than 2 months. I just realized you probably send out invites about a month before which is right after Christmas. I started thinking about it as a project because I need to have things lined up to keep me busy - but haven't come up with anything. What cute themes have you seen? What are some ideas? I know I can take it as far as I want - some people go all out and some make it low key. I think somewhere in the middle would be great. I want to have some kind of theme for the cake, invites, decor... and keep it a small crowd. So what are some theme ideas?

What to do with pomegranate?

I got a pomegranate - it looked so refreshing and I hear the season is ending. First one I've bought! I followed directions to clean it and get the ariis out. Yum yum. I ate some scoopfuls with a spoon. What are some ideas for what to do with it?

There was no pancake Sunday today - I overdid it last week and had Pancake Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. Maybe next week!

Yesterday was my longest run to date after Philly - 7 miles and it felt great! I was aiming for 3, and kept adding on. I love runs like that! Today is a winter wonderland - with the tree up, lights on, and snow - I'm just loving it! I went for a run w/ my sister outside in the wonderland. It was gorgeous out!






Nick turned 10 months today! Ahh! Everyone tells you it goes fast - and it goes even faster than that! He's getting to be a little man and is so fun. We took him out in the snow yesterday for a rendition of the Christmas story (the marshmallow like snow suit). I'm so excited for Christmas - babies make it

And a friend just started a blog - check it out here - she's studying to be a nutritionist/wellness counselor.

Peppermint, Cheese Sauce, Happy Babies

A while ago, I tried the Happy Baby Food Cubes -

I was a huge fan. I also had free coupons to try the Happy Bites for toddlers. My whole foods is not going to carry these products anymore, and the last time I went I was able to pick up some to try. They had salmon, chicken bites, mac and cheese and veggie burgers. Well... I haven't given Nick any meat yet so I picked the veggie burgers to try. And I've been eating them and they are delicious!! I think they are for toddlers - so over a year, so I'll save some for Nick, but in the meantime, I did need to try them out to make sure they were good for Nick to eat - right?

The burgers have 2 servings of veggies and 110 calories. Here are the ingredients:

VEGGIE TOTS INGREDIENTS
Organic Potatoes, Organic Carrots, Organic Corn, Organic red Peppers, Organic Black Beans, Organic Eggs, organic Palm Fruit Oil, Water, Organic Pea Fiber, Organic Cheddar Cheese (Organic pasteurized milk, salt, enzymes), Organic Corn Starch, Organic Onion, Organic Garlic, Sea Salt, Organic Chili Powder, Organic Parsley, Organic Black Pepper, Organic Cumin

They were seriously delicious. Only 3 come in a box and at Whole Foods they were $4.99 so I found that to be kind of pricey, but each time I've bought them, a coupon has been inside - so that is a plus.

Next up - Reading Heather's blog, I made the cashew cheeze sauce (click the link for the blog) for veggies and tofu last night. It was really easy and tasty too. I only had 1 cup cashews, 1 cup water, and 1 tbsp tahini. It was still good.





This week, I've just been doing what I feel like in terms of work outs. I got a sinus infection on Monday and it won't go away. And unfortunately, I can't take anything for it so it's lingering. I skipped swimming Monday and today which was a bummer but I slept in instead and did Jillian. I've yet to get to the gym this week to do some real lifting, but Jillian is a good sweat and toner.
Yesterday I ran a little over 5 miles on the treadmill. I have no aspirations for weekly mileage and it is feeling nice! The next long race (10 miles)I might do won't be until late March so I have time.

Today I made some peppermint tempo (granola) bars - inspired by chocolate mint gu, but this wasn't an ingredient!

I'm seriously missing teaching - grading papers, interacting with kids - I keep looking for college positions for one night a week or one day a week and can't find a thing. I picked up another student to tutor so my 3 hours of tutoring (M, T, W) keep my brain working throughout the week.

I've definitely been slacking off on reading blogs. Nick started crawling and wants to walk with assistance everywhere, and with the sinus infection on top of that, I've been so tired and going to bed early - so I'm going to try to catch up soon!

the thanksgiving giveaway winner

is....
#11 shellyrm.

Please send me your email (tosha25italia @ yahoo).
Congrats!

More to come later...

pancake sunday

Inspired by HEAB, today was pancake Sunday, It was delicious!!! I made up my own batter and I didn't totally measure so here's an idea:

PUMPKIN PROTEIN PANCAKES
makes 5 pancakes

1/2 cup pumpkin
3/4 cup ground oatmeal
1/4 to 1/2 cup milk
1/4 cup yogurt
2 tbsp ground flax with 1/2 cup water (let sit for 5 minutes)
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 scoop chia seeds
2 scoops protein powder


After the flax was sitting and more gelatin like, I added it to the oats, pumpkin, baking powder, and yogurt. Then I dumped in milk until it was the right consistency and added in chia seeds.

I used a teaspoon of coconut oil in the pan.

For the topping:
1 tbsp agave nectar with some cocoa and 1/2 tbsp almond butter.
You could definitely use some chocolate mint gu to go with the season. I'll try that next and report back.

Totally DELICIOUS!!! Nutrition facts w/o coconut oil and w/o topping:



I ran a hilly route yesterday while still in CT and ran on the treadmill this morning. 3 miles seemed like 300. I'm looking forward to adding in some lifting and more cross training into the routine here and seeing what happens! In the end, I ran less than 9 miles this week! The last time I ran so little - I do not even remember. I was hitting 30 miles a week almost every week. Time for a break!

We put up our tree and Christmas decor is out - so exciting! Christmastime is officially here!

This picture makes me laugh!

Nick started crawling yesterday so that was fun and thrilling!

Oh yes - and SHOT ROKS! I forgot to write about them.
Shot ROKS are little protein balls great for post long run or post race for recovery. Each little ball (they kind of look like poo??) has 27 calories. A serving (10 balls) has 20g of protein and 270 calories. Inside these guys are whey protein, cane juice, chocolate chips, almond butter,cocoa and a bunch of other things. They don't really taste like anything I've had before. They remind me of caramel candies, but I didn't really like the taste. They have peanut butter and chocolate.

First run

I felt like running yesterday so I did. I think that is going to be how it is until I get back on track and get some heart back into it! I drove up to the local high school near Bill's parents house and parked there and ran around neighborhoods, ending on the track and sprinted the last half lap. It felt really good. When I got home and mapped it, I realized how slow it was, but for a recovery run, it was fine. One of my hamstrings was a little tight but that was about it. I hope everyone had a really nice thanksgiving!


It was supposed to be kind of flat - hah. Can you see the top where I had to run to get back to where I started here?



Amazing Grass has bars 20% off using code BAR09 through 12/5 - click the link on my sidebar to take you there!

Thanksgiving GU giveaway

Happy Thanksgiving and thank you for reading!

So far - I've tried all of the Roctanes here and the Gu Chomps in Blueberry Pom, Strawberry and Orange. The Blueberry pom chomps ARE super good, just like I've heard! They are GUs version of Clif's Blocks. Which do you like better?

Giveaway: 3 GU drink mixes, 5 GUs, and a bag of Blueberry POM chomps

TO ENTER:
What is your favorite thanksgiving tradition - whether food, a turkey trot, a family thing... leave a comment letting me know!

Giveaway ends December 2nd. Winner selected at random & has 48 hours to respond to email (leave your email!)


ALSO - take note:
Amazing Grass is having a big sale on all products, 30% off (except our combo’s and sample packs) this Friday only, 11/27. Use the promo code ‘greenfriday’ at checkout.

GO LITE Travelite Tote REVIEW

THE COMPANY
GoLite is totally dedicated to going green.
When you are done with their product, send it back to them, they will recycle it and give you a discount for another product. The owners are athletes. They promote community service and are all about ZERO waste. This sounds like a fantastic company.

THE PRODUCT
The bag is made from 100% recycled materials. The material is called Tier 1 - and their spring 2010 line is all made of this. I like pockets for everything to get everything organized in its own compartment. This bag is awesome for that - it has a big outside pocket on one side and two smaller ones on the other side. The inside is FULL of compartments. I have a container of cheerios for Nick in there, my wallet, coupons, a snack bar, and a water bottle and my phone on the outside. Everything that I need fits in there great and it definitely doubles as a diaper bag. There are little metalized strips to keep a few of the pockets closed up and the rest have zippers. I LOVE this bag. It comes in green, red and black and goes for $70 - totally reasonable considering that it is awesome and you can send it back and get a discount on another product when it has passed its lifespan!


THE REVIEW
I LOVE it. For my organizational needs and all the things that I am usually carrying - it is the best bag I've ever used hands down! I love that it is earth friendly. It makes a great christmas present!

Frustrated.

I know - it's the same tale back and forth. I'm not happy with where I am - running wise, physically - they go together and I keep going in circles. Thank you to all the mamas who gave me some advice on the nursing. It is totally frustrating. I want to continue but feel like I am drying up. I'm going to try to be a super pumper.

We'll start with running - swimming, too. I feel starting in June I just started making up excuses for myself not to train hard. Right after Nick was born, I had the fire to get my speed back, train for Boston and my mindset was great. Boston was fantastic, then I did a 10 miler just 2 weeks later and wasn't too far off my PR. I did a pseudo race on the treadmill in May and after that it just all went downhill. I didn't know if I wanted to start training so I kept putting it off. Finally I started training but half-assed. I had a few good long runs but when it came time for marathon day, I was 'out to enjoy the day.' I guess I can attribute it to being burnt out, but I'm tired of making excuses for myself and frustrated with myself. In swimming, I volunteer to go last in the lane so that I don't have to push it. What gives?

Physically - I just go back and forth from being entirely frustrated. Am I eating too much? Too little? I have a nice pouch in my stomach that I can't escape - all this through marathon training and nursing? How do I not have a six pack? I don't eat whatever I want. All of this time, I have tried to just listen to my hunger signals and I eat when I'm hungry. And I eat healthy most of the time. I didn't want to restrict calories because I wasn't sure if it would affect my milk supply. Now that my milk supply seems to be dwindling, I can't help but wonder if I am eating enough. But I cannot imagine eating more and losing weight. When I went to a nutritionist about a year and a half ago, she told me I should be eating 2700 calories. I was eating around 1800. Now I'm around 2000. I am really trying to count and see how much I am eating to figure it out - but I can't seem to cut it any less than 1800 without being starving, and this isn't getting me anywhere. If I try eating more, I feel like I'm going to gain MORE weight! What to do!

I continue to feel very frustrated with myself and it is seeping into my everyday life - which is even more frustrating and disappointing. As I sit here and have been pumping for 30 minutes and have hardly 2 ounces.

X-Agave Review

THE PRODUCT
I was super excited to get the Xagave nectar and cookbook in the mail last week! Xagave is a complete sugar substitute that can be used in cooking and baking. It has inulin in it, which is a pre-biotic fiber. Xagave is said to have the best taste, best cooking and baking properties out there and best health profile. Agave nectar is a low glycemic index food, includes calcium and saves tons of calories over sugar.

Included with the package was a sugar exchange table, complete for beverages, cooking, baking and canning. Also included were spotlighted recipes such as Whole Wheat Carrot Pineapple Cake with Cream Cheese Frosting (yum!) and BBQ sauce!

THE COMPANY
The owner is a husband and father and part-time chef, and has struggled with his weight. In his family history there is diabetes, so he definitely is aware of his health. A few years ago, he saw agave nectar and researched it, going to Mexico and learning about it. He ultimately made a blend of different agave plants and brings you Xagave.

HOW WAS IT?
I used Xagave in my oatmeal (when I wasn't using GU), in my tea, and I tried a pumpkin bread recipe from the cookbook before the marathon. It was great in all 3 ways. I had been using Trader Joe's agave nectar and had run out of it just before this arrived. I believe it had a similar taste - I could not really tell the difference since I do not use a whole lot of it. The pumpkin bread was really, really tasty. The agave is sweeter than sugar so less of it is needed, ending up in a huge calorie savings.


BUY IT
25 oz sells on the site for $8.99. This sounds comparable to what I've seen different brands selling for in the store, but I can't remember the size of the ones I had been purchasing. I know at Trader Joe's, a container of it is around $2.99 but I do not know how many ounces it contains.

Check it out! A great and healthy alternative to sugar.

Boobs and Moving On

Ok, now that the disappointment stage is kind of passing on, I can move on. I was seriously PISSED about the lack of soreness that I had today, which I attributed to my slow as sh** pace!
I am over retiring but I do need a break. I can't imagine going back to being normal... but I'm definitely going to do it for a little while. When should I run again? Maybe do a turkey trot on Thursday when I'm up in CT? There's a local 5 mile race the first weekend of December that might be fun. We'll wait on a marathon till next fall, if another one is in my future! I decided the next marathon that I will do will not be in Philly. I know it all too well and I need something new to inspire me. I do want to get into the tri-scene also. There are some local ones that Rebecca told me about so that would be cool.


Another thing I need to get off my chest (literally?) is the nursing. I'm trying real hard to make it to the year or at least mid -Jan so I can used frozen stored milk, but it is getting harder every day. I feel like I have barely anything left (besides for the morning which seems great), and Nick is not interested in having to work for it. I have made it this far (almost 10 months), and I don't want to give up, but I do want to give up. Any inspiration out there from moms?

1 day later

I slept so well last night. I woke up and started feeling disappointed with my crappy time. Don't you hate that - even though it is just a number. I hate that feeling. 10 minutes faster and I would have been a little bit happier with it. Why did I just meltdown in the second half? I'm frustrated.

On the other hand, I feel lucky to be capable to train for and finish a marathon, so I'm trying to take it in stride. Thoughts for the future - 1 day later? Next time I'm ready to tackle a marathon (if there is a next time, right?), maybe I'll look into the coach thing. It seems like it might be a way to bounce things off of someone and get more direction. Right now, I feel like I want a personal trainer and nutritionist to get everything back on track. I feel pretty down in the dumps with the marathon being over and having nothing on the horizon right now, even though it is probably what I need. I've been thinking lately about not being able to drop weight, and how if I was working and standing up all day, everything would probably be back to normal. There are trade offs for everything, but when I get down, I definitely miss that part of my life.

The day and week after the marathon - what do you do? Yesterday was a big protein day - tried to get as much as possible (including some shot roks which I will tell you about!) Do you take the whole week off from running? I am going to try. Do you cross train? Today I did yoga. I plan to lower my food intake and cross train and try not to run. Would love to hear what you typically do!

More pics from my mom's camera:

I'm Brett Favre'ing it

The short:
I finished! But around mile 8, I really wanted to quit. My legs felt heavy, and I could not believe how slow I was going, so I started questioning why I was there! I was seriously trying to enjoy the day and I did - it was BEAUTIFUL weather. But all I could think was that I needed someone to run with. It felt very lonely out there today. After running Boston, Philly seemed like crap - tons of dead zones of fans and maybe since I live so close and have done so many runs down by the river, it isn't charming anymore? It lost it's appeal to me today, even though I did feel lucky to be out there running and reminded myself that running marathons isn't supposed to be easy.
4:39:36 I went almost 20 minutes slower than I did 10 weeks after having Nick ! ugh!!!

Congratulations to Denise and Billie - great BQ times out there! And Abby for doing a marathon in good time on a short notice after having just run Steamtown last month!


The long:
It was a GORGEOUS morning. I left the house around 5:40 and parked near the art museum. I took this picture as I walked to the start. Billie and I tried to meet up but failed which was a bummer. I got to see Abby before the start! My mind was all over the place and I couldn't decide if I wanted to wear the crazy socks or not and was just making sure all my gear was in check. In the end I went with some crazy polka dot socks and I'm glad I wore them! Had alot of runners comment on them that they inspired them - so that was fun.

My goal was kind of to enjoy the day with a sub goal of beating 4:21. My best marathon time is 4:14 in my first one in 2004. One day I'll beat it. Maybe when I am 50!
I took off in the 3rd wave and thought I was going at a pretty good clip - to find that I was running slower than 9 minute miles, from the start! I felt like my effort level was comfortable and I didn't want to rev it up and fade later (which I did anyway). So I kept running around 9:30 pace. I started to get down and wonder why my training just sucked and remember when I was training awesome and PRing at every race (spring before I got pregnant with Nick). I kept having to refocus my thinking and get motivated - it was easy with the weather being so nice and pretty views. Around mile 5, this huge group started passing me. I was thinking, Holy crap, did I just majorly slow down?? It was the 3:50 pace group. They were like a pack of wolves. The road didn't seem big enough for them and runners w/o a pace group. I ran with the pace group for about 2-3 miles and then they blew past me. By mile 8, I was just not feeling it. I was thinking, I'm retiring from this. I'll just be a normal person who doesn't do marathons and just stays in shape and lifts and doesn't run all the time. I felt good about this. I had a GU at mile 7, and I got some motivation back a little after my downer moment when I wanted to stop running. My motivation just kept coming and going. I wanted a partner.

Once I hit 13 miles and saw the sign FINISH --- this way or mile 14-- this way : I was thinking, I should be doing the half. Why I am doing this today?? But I kept remembering - this isn't easy. You're doing great, just suck it up and finish the race. My half time came in at 2:05. Decent, but no way I was keeping it up and I knew it! Right after that, I saw a guy I work with who lives in the city and came out to see me. He made my day and made me smile for the next few miles. I had a GU again after I was running for 2.5 hours and in between the last GU I had a CLIF BLOCK - I really like these and might switch to them for the long runs.

My colleague - so awesome he came out to cheer!

I didn't see my family until mile 18. They were right by Falls Bridge and I couldn't see the damn bridge for a long, long time. I was getting very anxious to get to the bridge. Once I hit the bridge, my sister ran with me for the rest of the race. I would have probably been even slower if she didn't. Manayunk was fun and I even took a mini cup of beer and had a few sips on the way out! REFRESHING. I was going ridiculously slow and continued to put myself down for moving so slowly. I went in and out of being annoyed with the slow time and not caring and just wanting to finish. I felt pretty good except for the slow legs and slowness - mentally, I was doing fine and not losing it (I did in Boston). We started playing a game where we got a point if we saw anyone we knew - didn't see too many, we ended in a tie, but ran into 2 girls we grew up with in the summers which was fun. Saw them at mile 20 and somehow they beat me by 20 minutes. Pretty sad!! I felt hydrated and wasn't starving (I dropped my last one @ Boston and was taking anything from fans - so hungry). So I was enjoying the time running with my sister, she entertained me and just jogged/walked to the finish. I don't even know why I went so goddamn slow, but honestly, I felt like I did not have it in me to go faster.

The finish - we rounded the corner around the art museum and 2 years ago that was where the finish was. Instead, there's a huge sign all the way at the end that said " FINISH LINE" and an arrow. I was ok, until we rounded the bend and I still didn't see it. Where the **** is the finish??
Finally made it there and saw that I needed to get under 4:40 (ugh, so lame, this time is actually embarrassing for me) so I pushed to make it and did.

The finish line was a total disappointment. Where were the bananas? Every race needs bananas. I could not even find the treat bags at the end. I took off with a pretzel and waters.

The finish - my sister and I.

post finish - the fam
Long day for Nick!

So.. how does a 2:05 first half translate into a 2:34 second half. That's pathetic! And I know I didn't train hard enough to run this one fast, but everytime I run a marathon, I just die at the end. Maybe I just don't have the confidence that I won't die - or maybe I just need to really train for it. I think training real hard once I get my speed back will get me there.

And... for now, I am retiring for a bit. I'll pull a Brett Favre and be back, because I know I can get back to my fast times and run a fast marathon. Until I am motivated to get back into it and feel good about it, I am going to start lifting, and get toned and change things up a little. We'll see! I already signed up for next year's 1/2 marathon in Philly. Probably a mistake but it is a tradition.

It's on!

Still can't decide on the outfit! ahh! Game time decision. I'm starting to get super nervous! I tried to eat as many carbs as I could today but kind of felt sick about it! The plan is gingerbread gus at mile 7, 14 and 20ish? I'm carrying some shot blocks too and I think I'm wearing my fuel belt. Can't decide about my fun socks and shorts or the capris. Fun socks are fun, but maybe not for a marathon? Hmmm...

Update tomorrow! :)

Winner - PaceBand

#4

Run to the Finish - Amanda... Congrats!

Had to sort through to see who actually did the mandatory entry.. only 5 of you. Not a big interest item!

2 day countdown

We're down to 2 days - wow wow wow!!

Now my issues happen to be:

What to wear!
I usually wear capris when it is chilly out. Seems like it is going to be perfect weather. If I wear shorts, I could do the compression socks - I wore them for the loop race last weekend but my legs were a big sweaty and warm. Not sure if I should do the socks or not. Capris always seem to work well - what do you think?

The wrong shoes
I always wait to the last minute and realize my shoes have too many miles on them. I'm on fail #2 due to being an idiot here. First I ordered a pair too small then I ordered a pair last week from Online Shoes - and I gotta say, I love running warehouse - 2 day shipping. These shoes from Online Shoes came today and apparently I ordered width 2A (narrow). My feet are wide so no way will these work for me. And unfortunately I can't get them back in time and get the right shoes. Looks like I'll be wearing my seasoned shoes!

Some impeccable timing
More on that later


Cheer zones
I always end up wanting to see my family much before I do - like mile 10? 8? Not 18! So I have to get a plan down for them for sure!! My sister is planning on running the last 6 miles with me.



I went to the expo today right at 12. Lucky for me, Bill drove me down so that I could run in and I did just go in and get my things! Love the shirts - and our bibs have our names on them! I'll post pics of that tomorrow!




Here's the art museum and some runners along the trail on the way home. What a great day!!


I love mail - here's some fun stuff I got today.
Above: supercute bag with tons of pockets that I'll be reviewing!


Clif Bloks and Roks - sweet! to try

And I ordered a box of the PB Chocolate bars. Nice!
Love the UPS/Fed Ex people!



Last - I need songs!! Send me some songs!!

Gu Oatmeal, Winners, Ipod list

So the Vanilla Gingerbread GU is so delicious. I just want to eat it all the time. I put some in my oatmeal this morning and it was very very yummy! This was a real small bowl pre-run of Nick's pureed oats and I added in almond butter to it. I ended up doing a mile warm up, 4 miles at marathon goal pace and 1 mile cooldown. It went very well! And some more GU fueled me for that. Addiction? Here's what I'm thinking for pre-race: toast with almond butter and GU on top??



I keep meaning to fix my playlist for Sunday. It's the same one since Boston! I need some new songs for sure! The weather is looking good - not as brutal as last year (I think it was: "feels like 20 or negative 5") It was goddamn freezing!!

And the winners of the Clif Quench - please send me your info at tosha25italia@ yahoo - you have till Saturday:

JESS
PAIGE
BILLIE
EL

CONGRATS!

Cheese, 4 days to go

Thanks for your help on the christmas pictures!! finally ordered my cards.

On Monday I meant to go swimming but Nick was up from 11:30 to 12:30, so I turned off the alarm in the middle of the night and woke up too late to go! Tuesday I did Kate's workout of 1 mile warmup, 1 800 with 400 jog, and 4 400s with 200 jog then 1 mile easy. I liked it! Today I went swimming and tomorrow I plan to do 3-6 miles at MP. Friday I'll either take off or do a couple of miles and Saturday I'll do 2. I'm looking forward to Sunday but not planning on setting any records! I am going to enjoy the day and get back into the enjoyment of the sport!

Cheese - I usually cut out fat on the week before a big race. On Monday I joined Costco and bought this HUGE block of cheese for entertaining and everyday I've had a slice. D10 - you made me remember no cheese. BAD CHEESE!! My goal is tomorrow through Sunday - no cheese! Drink more water and lots of carbs starting tomorrow. I am enjoying this taper. I also ordered a case of Chocolate Mint GU and Vanilla Gingerbread. I can't wait to down them on Sunday. Woooo - tis the season!! With this taper week in action, I am really thinking about decorating for Christmas!

I'm hoping to meet Billie on Sunday and find Abby who got a spot in the race! Only a few days to go! Looking forward to those medals and fun shirts.

don't forget the clif quench giveaway

Last hard workout before marathon

I remember I used to do a speed workout the Monday before running a marathon - but I can't remember what it was. What is your last hard workout before marathon weekend? Which day did you do it and what do you do?

I'm also interested in eating for optimal performance. What do you eat while in training mode to be as fit as possible? I'm frustrated on this front because I'm still carrying extra weight around and I feel like I am a very good eater.

Marathon Pace Band: Review/Giveaway

I contacted John at Marathon Pace Band to try out a pace band for Sunday's marathon. My goal is to get through the miles and ultimate goal to break 4 hours, so I had him do the splits for a 4 hour goal. After the fact, I thought a Boston time band would be a good idea especially for everyone who is trying to BQ! The band has all of the splits on one side and on the other side, you can put a motivational quote, such as the common "Boston or BUST!" It is easy to fold in half when halfway done or to stretch out. It will probably be great as an wrist warmer too! You can also get a pace/photo band. I love the idea of the photo band - I could put a picture of Bill and Nick on there and think about seeing them at the finish!




My quote was Keep on running. It's funny how there is a question mark - I think I was unsure when typing the email and wrote how about KEEP ON RUNNING? Oops. In any case, I am looking forward to wearing this on Sunday to see how close I can stay to my splits!


Another product offered by Marathon Pace Band is a personalized audio message that you can put on your ipod. Check out all of the cool products you can run with at the website.



Giveaway -

One lucky winner will win a paceband!

Rules:

1) Mandatory entry: Visit the website and check out the products. Tell me product you would be most interested in, and what price would you be willing to pay for the marathon pace band?
Make sure you answer BOTH questions!


2) Link back.

Contest ends Friday, November 20th. Winner will have 48 hours to respond to email - be sure to leave contact info!