Nick

Kara

3.19.2009

computer/bars and MOM HELP!

**A mom question/help needed in the very last part of this post!**

Well today, I did a little experiment. I didn't turn on the computer until after lunchtime. I feel like I've been on it WAY too much for not using it for work. I got alot done this morning! I did 8 miles on the treadmill and it was kind of a drag. I have to say, I am not super motivated and would much rather run outside and with someone!

8 miles/1:15:00/9:23pace

Also, today, I decided to stay away from bar eating to see how that went. While I was running, I was thinking - what am I putting into my body? powerbars, gu, jellybeans(sportbeans)... hmm. I really need to eat more natural foods and not get by with bars. Also, I need to think of easy lunch options. I started thinking, hmm, maybe these boca burgers and morningstar burgers that I live on aren't the best thing for me either! I really need some lunch ideas, it is hard for me to change how I view things like eating bread/wraps, etc. I usually skip the bread/carbs and just want something nutrient dense. Any vegetarians out there? What do you eat for lunch?

My long run this week is 16 miles. My inlaws are in town so I could do 16 miles everyday to pass the time. Just kidding. Well, not really. Parents of any kind being in my house for more than 2 hours at a clip is difficult for me : ) I'm going to go on Sunday morning down to Kelly drive and do 2 loops. Lucky for me, Abby said she'd meet me and do her 12 miles for this week. HOORAY!!!! I was sort of dreading running alone.

Then the following week is this 10 mile "race" (for me) that is also a marathon. It is the same course and you stop at 10 miles or keep going if you are running the marathon. I'm trying to decide if I will stop at the 10, get my time, and keep going for 18-20 with the marathoners as my training run. Might be killer.

Since I have no pictures, here a picture of the day:



And on that note, a post for moms out there or anyone else that wants to throw out some advice.

The other thing going on is my 360 change. Back in the day, when I was pregnant, I was sooo resentful that I had to deal with the body changes, carry a baby, and stay home from work for 6ish weeks. I really just wanted a stork to deliver the baby.I thought nursing was horrendous and was afraid of what was to come.

Well, NOW, I think the whole thing is a MIRACLE. It is so cool. I will view the whole thing so differently for round 2 - and 3 and 4? Haha. I think nursing creates an awesome bond and is pretty neat how the body even works. AND, most importantly, I already decided that I won't go back to finish out the school year (I had originally put in for May 1), and now I am thinking that I can NOT leave Nick at daycare in August when I return for next school year. I'm freaking out! I know many of you do it and I know it is hard but I am having a very bad case of motherly guilt and wondering why I shouldn't stay home with him (the main issue is the benefits - we are all covered through my school). Yes, it would be a pretty large loss of salary, but I would take off 2 years I think (1 year then go back and have another baby and take off the rest of that year - yes, kind of have it figured out) and be working the rest of my life. I LOVEEEE my job, but I can't imagine loving it knowing I have a baby at home that I am not watching. I do not love being at home just yet, but I'm adjusting to it. I feel that I would miss my job, but that in my heart wouldn't be into it. I think the main problem I have is that he'd be 7 months and unable to speak yet to tell us if anything was wrong or treating him wrong? Even though the daycare we found seems great - now that he is here, I do not think I can do it!
I have to decide by April 1 and write my letter to school telling them when I will return. I can keep my job even if I take off until September 2010. I just get no pay and no benefits.
moms- and non moms - advice wanted!

Pros
Home with my little guy! (I think this counts for 10)
I get to work the rest of my life - not missing much

Cons
I might get bored!
I'll start talking like a baby and brain will turn to mush
No pay, no benefits

26 comments:

  1. Aw, that's really tough. Even though I'm not a mom, all I can say is that you won't get this time back. So many people don't even have the option of staying home and they would love to. If you can swing this, you are more blessed than you thought and maybe you should take advantage of it. I know, easy for me to say...

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  2. Oh, that's tough. Very tough. Before I had a baby, I was a VP at an ad agency and I thought for sure I would go back to work right after the baby. I had this idea that my career was super important and I had worked hard to get where I was, etc. Unfortunately, I experienced a bit of a tragedy when a close friend (and co-worker) died 3 months before I got preg. She was 29 and 7 mos. preg. It was terrible. But, it showed me that life is short and precious and it made me rethink my life.

    When I found out I was preg, I realized that I didn't want to keep my job at the expense of time with my child. So, I left and started to hunt for freelance work. I found it and have been doing freelance writing and editing since (my son was born 6/07). Now, I stay home with him and fit in work when I can. I absolutely love it. If you can swing it, I think it is a great thing to be able to be with your baby. It isn't for everyone, that's for sure. But, if you think it might be for you, I'd say go for it.

    Sorry for the looooooong comment!

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  3. I am a vegetarian too, and am also guilty - of bars and meatless soy products. We've been making our own granola bars, so I've cut back on the bars, and I've been eating more fruit, but I think I still have one boca product a day. For lunch I have been having triscuits (only 3 ingredients!!), veggies, fruit and a plain gardenburger hotdog. Yeah. My lunch is LAME.

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  4. I got laid off my job when I was 6 months pregnant. I was devastated at the time but now I see it as a huge blessing.
    It can be really hard to stay at home with a baby... finding a network of friends you can still go play with is VERY important so you don't feel like you've lost your place in the world. But I wouldn't have it any other way now. I love being home with Moana and don't know when I'll go back ot work? Not until we absolutely have to, since Scott is also quite happy to have Moana cared for by me during the day.
    Isn't it crazy how things change? All for the best... ;)

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  5. I never thought I'd want to stay at home and now I wish I wasn't even part-time. I miss the adult interaction and intellectual stimulation from time to time, but as some of the other ladies have mentioned this time is the most precious and you can't get it back. My mother told me "Angela, it will come back to you ten fold in the end." And I believe that.

    Sure the people at daycare do or would do a good job of watching the children but there is no substitute for a parent's care and love. If you can manage things financially (and mentally) then I'd say go for it! Of course you have to prepare your husband for the fact that your son will be more attached to you and want you more especially once the separation anxiety stage hits...but most of them handle that pretty well.

    Good luck!

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  6. (((HUGS))) chica. This is a really tough one. I never had any intention of going "back to work" when I had the Chicken McNuggets. Mr McG and I decided before we had kids that when we did, I would be a SAHM until whenever and that's how we've rolled. I couldn't imagine it being any other way :-)

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  7. I gots no babies so I will refrain from any thoughts there....

    On the run I say go for the 18-20 if you can, I think having the support during the first part will make you feeled excited about buoyed for the last part. hopefully making it a great long run

    now get out of the PB!

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  8. It's hard to run on the treadmill, especially when the weather is getting nicer out.

    Nick is getting so big!

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  9. Oh girl, that is a hard one. I don't have kids but I struggle with what I will do when we we finally do. Financially,I just don't think I could quit my job and stay home and of course i worry about all the same things you do (boredom, baby brain, etc) But then I think about putting a newborn into daycare and it freaks me out.

    However, it's only a year and you never get this time back. And if you have the chance to take off and still have a job when you get back...well, that's a pretty good deal.

    Besides, I know you think you would get bored. But I bet you anything that year will fly by and you will be wondering where it went. And think of all the running you can do! LOL!

    If I wasn't going to DC this weekend, I would meet up with you on Kelly Drive. Have a good run!

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  10. Lunches stump me every week. I ate pesto pasta last week using Barilla Plus protein pasta and put extra pine nuts in the pesto, and that was pretty filling. Otherwise, various chickpea salads (chickpeas + lemon + olive oil + a fresh herb + a little cheese + misc. veggies) are my favorite standby.

    As far as quitting work, I can't recommend it enough. The financial sacrifices hurt at first (I'd say we've done everything short of selling our house), especially being surrounded by stoopid-rich socialites, but now it seems like everyone is living this way because of the rotten economy ;)

    I'm so impressed that you can keep your job until Sept.'10. I'd take them up on that, and go from there. I'll tell you what though, if I didn't have #2, I'd be looking to put #1 in preschool early and go back to work about now -- the terrible twos are nothing, it's the threes that get ya.

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  11. i'd say take the rest of the year. i wish i could have. that said, going back has been ok! now, andra's with my mom at home for now so that makes it tons easier. she will go to daycare for at least a month before summer vacation, but that's mostly just so i can test it out. it will be harder. teaching is a great job to combine with being a mommy - especially high school, since i can be home by 2:30 every day if i really needed to. that's less than 8 hours, plus summers off...and since we can't afford for me to quit...

    BUT, you could always keep up the tutoring, for $$ and just to keep working some. if you have people to leave nick with, or if you could find a part time day care for a couple afternoons a week, you could tutor and work out yet still be with him practically all the time. i've considered this...

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  12. If you can take the rest of the year, do that, and then see how you feel. I doubt my decision to go back to work everyday but right now my husband is taking his career in a new direction and we need my income. I am lucky in that I have flexibility in my hours and a very understanding boss. I also think daycare is actually really good for Zach. I trust the women there, they seem to really like him, he is constantly stimulated (much more so than I could do at home), he has become so much more patient as a result of daycare and he can sleep through anything (once he decides to go to sleep).

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  13. I am not a veggie but what about soups for lunch? I often do peanut butter and banana sandwiches too. Very nutrient dense and very filling. Especially on a good whole grain bread.

    As for the mom advice. I had a great career when I was pregnant. After I had Grant, I resigned with other plan for work in mind. That didn't work out so I kind of fell into staying at home. I found a a few gigs teaching fitness classes and stuff like that but they are all at night, when he is in bed and my husband stays with him. The rest of the time, I stay home. You know what? I love it. If you can swing it financially, I say go for it. A tip is to keep yourself involved in things outside of the house. For example, Grant and I attend a play group two times per week. We also try and do one fun excursion once per week (park, visiting my old work, go swimming, library, etc). And having that night time teaching class gets me out and allows for adult interaction that so many SAHM's worry about.

    Honestly though. I feel that I can work the rest of my life. In fact, I may even start getting my master's online sometime while I stay home so I can advance in my career later in life. I figure I have the rest of my life to further it and right now, I like staying home. :) It's a time I won't ever be able to get back.

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  14. i always get so much more done when i leave my computer shut off. its nice to be productive :) that lil guy is soo cute!

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  15. It is really a hard decision to make. I have been a full-time employee, a full-time SAHM, and I have the best of both worlds now, I work part-time. All three have pros and cons and all 3 are a heck of a lot of work.

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  16. It's something you have to find yourself, but I knew right off I wanted to stay at home with my children when they are very young and I cherish the time and wouldn't trade it for anything.

    It was an easy decision for me, though, childcare plus an additional car plus less home-meals would eat up all the income I'd make!



    The only negative is people tend to think you aren't "working" when you're a SAHM... when at least in my house, that is so not true (almost zero help from my husband because home/baby is seen as "my" job.)

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  17. The work question is a tough one. The biggest part is the financial aspect. If you can stay at home great, especially while the baby is still a baby. Actually, right now Matt is a stay at home Dad!

    As a working mom, I do feel guilty that I am not home with Morgan all day. However, I make sure nothing gets in the way of spending quality time together and make sure we have our special time (usually baking, dancing or reading books). I think it is more about the interaction you have with your child than anything else. It is a decision and lifestyle that you and your husband have to agree on. There is a lot of support needed for both options.

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  18. I agree with those that said take the rest of the year off. And if you're able to take another year off after that, go ahead. Right now I'm not really part time but I do get to be off campus when I'm not teaching. It's a bit of a struggle to balance somedays. Just tiring to have your energy pulled in different directions. Next year I'll be staying at home and I'm really excited about that. I do think this is a short time in my life but I feel like raising Claire might be my best job yet.

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  19. I am trying to sake up my lunches a bit too, as I am kind of in a routine at the moment, which is OK, but could be improved. I love soup in the winter. My fave right now is butternut squash and apple which I make at home. Tuesday I have a late dance class so it's wholewheat pasta mixed with a tin of salmon, a jar of pasta sauce and some goat cheese (usually makes about three servings so put two in the freezer). Brown rice mixed with different kinds of hummus. Buy a roasted chicken - make toast with avocado and chicken on it. Toast with avocado, tomato, and cheese. Sometimes I'll get the cartons of Pacific Foods tomato and roasted red pepper soup. Hoping to get into salads a bit more this summer - I'm just not super creative when it comes to them! :o)

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  20. Disclaimer: I have no kids.

    With that being said, I really think there is benefit to kids being around other kids. Even at a young age they just learn so much from each other.

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  21. Tough decisions indeed. We are lucky up here in Canada in that the mother can take a full year of maternity leave without loss of employment, though it's up to the employer whether or not the salary gets topped up significantly or not. Most get a decent percentage. We can also split the year between the mother and the father, which is also nice.

    Anyway, hope you come to a decision that's good for you both on the family front and financially. You are right about working the rest of your life and not missing much there. Kids grow up SOOOOO fast, next thing you know Nick will be off to school. Cherish every moment!

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  22. And to what X-Country2 said, there is a huge benefit to kids being around other kids, but stay at home parents have tonnes of options to expose their children to these types of environments in order to prepare them for school and such: drop in programs, library programs, local community centres, and not to mention your local parks where you will meet other Moms with kids looking for the same types of things! It was amazing the network of parents with kids you get into as soon as your little one is old enough to venture out to the local parks! (And with the weather getting better and better that is just a few days away!)

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  23. Listen to your heart and you will not go wrong. It sounds as if you know what you want, but are also being pragmatic about the need for health care coverage and realistic about the current economy. That's wise.

    There may be an option for an extended sabbatical, sans pay, that will allow you to preserve your benefits and extend leave. See what, if anything, can be either offered or negotiated and the option to be home longer with your baby may suddenly become much more affordable.

    I had a demanding job as head of operations at a large NYC ad agency, and when our eldest was born returned after 3 month leave was up. I cut my hours back from 15 to 8, and found that the result was I felt a failure everywhere. No great achievements at work, and missed milestones and snuggle time at home.

    I've been home with our (now) 2 boys since April and it's AMAZING, although it can be really stressful and isolating.

    Good luck in making whatever path you choose to follow a viable reality! XO, Helen.

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  24. one of my best friends who just had the baby boy i have told you about decided not to go back. it was really hard for her but she is so happy. i think its hard because when its time to go back to work is when they are actually starting to get to a fun age!! she cant imagine missing things being away from him, but she does miss having her own paycheck and own life outside of the house a little bit. its all give and take, but i think you just have to figure out what you want the most. plus if you can take a year off, then go back when you are ready that would be awesome. good luck!! i know its not an easy decision.

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  25. LOL @ the in-laws comment. Mine were just here for a week so I know what you're talking about. :)

    Re: the stay-at-home dilemma..

    I am currently a stay-at-home person because I am unemployed. It's awesome. I don't really interact with adults and I don't feel any dumber. I wish I could be raising a kid or doing something equally valuable with my time! Working is overrated. YOUR kid needs YOU. Just my opinion. :)

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  26. I am not a mother, but from talking to mothers, it seems like everyone feels that way.

    I think the biggest con would be no benefits. By benefits I am assuming you mean health insurance, which is crucial for a baby and for the rest of you. One accident or illness and you could be in a large amount of medical debt. Not a good way to start with a family.

    If you can't get health insurance through your husband's job, then I suggest going back May 1st, finishing the school year and then you will be off the entire summer with him.

    Whatever you ultimately choose to do, just make sure you have some kind of health insurance.

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