What really matters?
Every time that I have questioned my decision to stay home, I have thought about what really matters in my life. I try to do the 10 year rule. In 10 years what will I have wished that I did? (The 10 year rule gets me out of a lot of workouts too, consequently). In 10 years, what is going to matter: that I worked because I wanted to work and not miss out on my current status and students, or that I stayed home and watched Nick grow and taught him things (since I have the opportunity to do so)? It always turns out the latter when I do the 1o year rule. And I remind myself that in 10 years I'll be teaching and not have the option to take a year off. I have to constantly remind myself of these things.
What makes it hard for me is that I know the kids NOW. The class that are going to be seniors were my first class at the school that I teach at - they were freshmen. When I return, they will be gone. I've missed their senior year. Also when I return, it might be time for #2 and I'll be out again. So by making the decision to stay out this upcoming year, I don't see it as just a year. I see it as a few years of being in and out of school to take time off to stay home with babies. I won't have the same relationships. Staff will change. It will all be different. It is a huge adjustment, since teaching is part of who I am. And now as the year starts off, there will be no back to school mode. It is just kind of weird. I know that I've beaten this issue into the ground, but it sits heavily with me. Part-time teaching would be ideal, but I didn't find anything.
Do you ever think about what you are doing with your life and your relationships and evaluate them? Are you living the life that you imagined? Are there parts that you want to change? Relationships that you want to mend? What do you have to do to make that happen?
What type of person do I want to be?
What kind of mom do I want to be? Wife? Daughter? Sister? Friend? I try to evaluate this and make sure I am headed in the right direction and taking care of the things that really matter. I definitely have some work to do, and some shaping and figuring out where to go from here. As I reached my late 20s and really got into teaching and loved my job, I figured I wouldn't stay home with my kid(s) - only for 6 to 8 weeks. I'm at the point where I'm re-evaluating and working towards putting the pieces of the puzzle in the right place.
Here are some of my puzzle pieces:
MOM: Now that Nick is here, I know that I want to be the one to raise him, teach him things, feed him healthy foods, shape his mind, be a good role model.. everything. For me, when the day comes, (if it does), it will be hard for me to drop him in daycare.
WIFE: I'm a little gaga over the baby and haven't made as much time as I should for my marriage. They always say that you have to plan date nights (we do and then cancel them), and make sure the marriage is the strong backbone. It is strong but I need to work on it more for sure. A baby throws a loop into the house and changes everything! At least that is how it is for me. I think if I was working, it would be totally different, and maybe better for our marriage, since nothing would have drastically changed. Me staying home with Nick has changed some dynamics in our house.
FRIEND: I think that I am a good friend to the friends that I care the most about.
DAUGHTER/SISTER: My relationship with my parents needs work. I'm too hard on them. I'm a good sister now but I was mean to my brother growing up, which sucks because I didn't know what I was doing. I wish that I was more loving as a small child, but instead I tried to trip my brother when he was learning to walk, and pinched him when no one was looking. I was nice to my sister. Now we have decent relationships, but I'm demanding and sometimes want more out of my siblings and a closer bond.
We can always better ourselves. What things do you constantly work on, or want to work on?