Nick

Kara

4.04.2009

Thoughts

This past week has been kind of hard! After I made the decision all I did was question it and think about it and found myself sad! I think it is one of those grass is greener situations and no matter what I had decided I would have been sad and questioned it. I made the decision that I thought was right and that I thought I would regret less going forward . But here's what I think - it is a very big adjustment and change. I don't know if everyone goes through this, or if it has to do with teaching being such a big part of who I am, and now making room for changes in who I am - now I'm also a mother and this is a big part of my life.

Overall, I just think wow, what a big change it can be for moms, whereas not so much for dads. I just wish more workplaces were more supportive of moms and offering part time work when children are little. For me, the decision was one extreme or the other. It was to choose between resuming my pre-baby life/job which was working 5 days a week and taking alot of work home - papers to grade, lesson plans, etc. I found the time to workout after work, but I still felt that I could have been spending more time with Bill. Now add in a baby, and how will I ever fit in everything that I want to do? I felt like I would try not to bring work home, but ultimately, would feel like a bad teacher and by leaving off Nick at daycare, a bad mother for the lack of time spent with him. I think it will be good for him to go to daycare in the future, but I felt that since he is my first and I don't know what to expect with him growing up in the first year at least, I wanted to experience that. It was a hard decision, and I think in the end I will be glad that I did it, but now, it is a big adjustment period for me. When Bill gets up to leave in the morning, I am jealous of him and want to go to work. I would be happy to have a folder of papers to grade. I think though, that I am forgetting things such as parent phone calls, pointless meetings, IEP meetings, pain in the butt kids, - and just thinking of all of the good things. I was thinking the waste of time things would get me down next year. Anyway, at this point, I am just trying to live with my decision and move forward and figure out what I will do for part-time work and to keep myself stimulated.

Running - was supposed to go do 12 this morning but was severely windy so heading out tomorrow to do that. After the great 20 miler which I feel like I could do every weekend, this week's runs have been kind of a drag and forced. Only 2 weeks to go till Boston!

my
I started attempting to make my own peanut butter but there must be a special tool. It is not liquidy enough and way too dry. I was using a food processor and have to go do some research now.

15 comments:

  1. You're a great teacher and a great mom. There will be room in your life for both at some point. :o)

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  2. Yes, I think the grass is always greener speaking as someone on the other side of the grass. You are lucky in that you can always can go back to being a teacher and resume that part of you but you've only got this time once. Let the decision "marinate" and eventually you'll come to terms with it.

    And you are a brave soul trying to make some peanut butter.

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  3. It is going to be an adjustment and one you will have to figure out how to balance. I think you made the right decision for your family. Enjoy the time with Nick, as he starts to grow and develop you will be glad you are with him. Don't stress about it, we all go through an adjustment period.

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  4. the grass is always greener! if it helps, i am a bit envious of you deciding to stay home! i promise to remind you of all the crappy parts of teaching!

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  5. Ooh, good luck with the peanut butter! I found almonds way on sale today and bought a pound to try to make almond butter. We'll have to compare notes.

    Good luck with the run tomorrow!

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  6. I can understand you are conflicted but I think you made the right choice. Beside I have papers to mark! LOL. Good luck with the PB recipe.

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  7. I make cashew butter by blending the nuts with natural applesauce -- it's a different texture than plain nut butter, but really yummy.

    I went crazy finding things to do when I first quit work (even doing certain tasks of my old job as a "volunteer") but eventually settled in to my new routines and didn't need the work stuff anymore.

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  8. I can definitely see the decision being hard but just be thankful you were able to have the option to make the choice. I defintiely think you will be happy with it, and before you know it you will be back teaching again :) just enjoy those days at home with little nick!

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  9. It was a huge decision you made, of course it's going to weigh heavily on you for a while. You'll adjust though. Hang in there.

    As for the nut butter...I've read the secret is patience and letting it blend for a really long time.

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  10. I think if you weren't questioning your decision, then you took it too lightly, so it's good that you're questioning it. It will be a huge adjustment, but I don't think you would ever regret choosing to be with your baby.

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  11. consider it powdered PB. :)

    You know I often think I need to be doing more with D and at home...what I realized was I can only do what I can do and I need to be hapyp doing it... so pick the most important things. You'll get it all worked out!

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  12. Congrats on your decision! I agree, no matter what your choice was, there would be some sadness that went with it. It is not an easy thing to become a mom! I got to stay home for 12 months, and it was amazing. You are ambitious to try to make PB, it looks scary! Maybe if you added a bit of oil?

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  13. Enjoy those days at home with the lil guy... before you know it he wont be so tiny anymore!

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  14. How about tutoring? You could make a good amount of money, make your own hours, and put those teaching skills to work. Also try volunteermatch.org. They are volunteer positions so they don't pay, but there may be interesting things that will keep you stimulated and still allow you to make your own schedule.

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  15. With either decision I am sure you would wonder what if would be like to have chosen the other. I am sure you made the right decision for yourself and will enjoy the time home!

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