I know - it's the same tale back and forth. I'm not happy with where I am - running wise, physically - they go together and I keep going in circles. Thank you to all the mamas who gave me some advice on the nursing. It is totally frustrating. I want to continue but feel like I am drying up. I'm going to try to be a super pumper.
We'll start with running - swimming, too. I feel starting in June I just started making up excuses for myself not to train hard. Right after Nick was born, I had the fire to get my speed back, train for Boston and my mindset was great. Boston was fantastic, then I did a 10 miler just 2 weeks later and wasn't too far off my PR. I did a pseudo race on the treadmill in May and after that it just all went downhill. I didn't know if I wanted to start training so I kept putting it off. Finally I started training but half-assed. I had a few good long runs but when it came time for marathon day, I was 'out to enjoy the day.' I guess I can attribute it to being burnt out, but I'm tired of making excuses for myself and frustrated with myself. In swimming, I volunteer to go last in the lane so that I don't have to push it. What gives?
Physically - I just go back and forth from being entirely frustrated. Am I eating too much? Too little? I have a nice pouch in my stomach that I can't escape - all this through marathon training and nursing? How do I not have a six pack? I don't eat whatever I want. All of this time, I have tried to just listen to my hunger signals and I eat when I'm hungry. And I eat healthy most of the time. I didn't want to restrict calories because I wasn't sure if it would affect my milk supply. Now that my milk supply seems to be dwindling, I can't help but wonder if I am eating enough. But I cannot imagine eating more and losing weight. When I went to a nutritionist about a year and a half ago, she told me I should be eating 2700 calories. I was eating around 1800. Now I'm around 2000. I am really trying to count and see how much I am eating to figure it out - but I can't seem to cut it any less than 1800 without being starving, and this isn't getting me anywhere. If I try eating more, I feel like I'm going to gain MORE weight! What to do!
I continue to feel very frustrated with myself and it is seeping into my everyday life - which is even more frustrating and disappointing. As I sit here and have been pumping for 30 minutes and have hardly 2 ounces.