Nick

Kara

9.14.2011

Family planning & coaching

How many kids do you want? I remember when I found out that I was pregnant with Kara, I felt horrible for Nick - like he wouldn't get his time 1 on 1 and he was getting shafted. Sometimes I still feel that way - there are so many fun things to do for his age, but we're stuck when Kara has to nap or is fussy and makes things less fun. I think how easy it was with just 1 and how easy it would be with one 2.5 year old! But Kara adds so much to his life - built in friend and playmate. He isn't there yet that he sees this - instead I think he sees her as his enemy and constantly knocks her down, steals toys and tries to head butt her, but think when they are a bit older - I hope they'll be the best of friends!

With Kara, many people have told me something like, the first one gets everything, the baby book is complete, etc, and the second one everything just goes by the wayside. I have tried so hard to not let that happen and feel like I've done a good job making sure we celebrated every milestone, kept her baby book in order (maybe even better than Nick's) and tried to do everything as much as I did for Nick. Her scrapbook doesn't have as many pictures as Nick's does but it has very many pictures - Nick's has a ridiculous amount of pictures.   Also with Kara, I have always kept birth order in mind.  I am the oldest, then my brother then sister. My brother always complains that he got the shaft (only boy, middle child) and that I always pushed him down when he was learning to walk. I was hoping Nick would not do that (push Kara down) but he does it - I think it's just nature and some kids just end up doing that?  He's in time out often. Since Kara will most likely be a middle child, I worry about her getting her time. Have you thought about this?  What things do you do to make sure your kids get enough attention one on one and feel loved equally?

Since I am thinking of having 1 or 2 more children, I'm very aware about the birth order but concerned about attention growing up. If I have 4 children, will they all get enough of my love and attention one on one? Is 4 too many? I grew up with 3 and think we all got our time in the spotlight and plenty of love and attention. But how many is too many where you just can't give each child the attention he/she needs? I've been thinking about this alot since I feel overburdened with 2 a lot of the time!

TOO MANY!! HOW MANY IS TOO MANY?
 And I wanted to briefly mention coaching. All of my training is loaded by my coach into training peaks - an online website. I go in and enter what I do each day.  I don't really get any feedback.  I was supposed to have a big race this weekend and heard nothing from my coach. I thought it would be nice to have a good luck email or something?? Also I haven't entered anything in since mid last week and - haven't heard anything. I'm kind of disappointed by the lack of any feedback, but I guess this is what I paid for? Just to have a plan to follow? Now I know that I would really like feedback, at least a weekly check in email - I think it would be more effective for me.  If you've had a coach, what was your experience?

10 comments:

  1. Having a 2.5 year old is NOT easy, but it is certainly easier than having 2 under 2.5. You manage to do it well.

    We were planning to TTC starting next summer. As it gets closer I break out in cold sweats thinking about how I'm going to handle it. I'd like for Emily to be able to make herself as sandwich and help with chores around the house before we have another one. Unfortunately I'd be almost 40 by then!

    The value of a coach is having accountability. What good is it if he's not acknowledging your work encouragement and feedback? Sorry this guy took your money and left you hanging.

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  2. Well, since Ethan was well over 2.5 before Cole was born I feel different than I originally did about spacing and size. I would rather my kids be closer in age than they are so they will be good friends esp if they are the same gender. I also realize that I'm not getting any younger so I want to have my family while I'm "young" (even though I don't feel like it most days lol).

    My husband and I both came from a family of 3. Off and on we have talked about how many kids we think we would like, but now I'm at the point I just want to take it one at a time. Maybe 4 or more?? I don't think I can put a number on my family. I think we will know at the time when we are complete. It did take me a while to adjust to 2 kids and I didn't think I wanted anymore. I learned how to manage and I got through my PPD (which I think had more to do with not wanting more...) so I am back to wanting a larger family again ;-)

    As for each child getting 'their time' I do think this is important as well, but at the same time learning to 'share' is just as important. When they are younger, kids naturally demand your attention but as they are older they don't. So when our kids are older we plan to have special day out trips for each one here and there where one parent takes them somewhere to do something. Not spending a whole day, but just a couple of hours. Also having a day for all the girls to spend with their mom and boys with their dad doing an activity is a great bonding experience. It will definitely be something I will be marking on the calender though, because I don't think we would carve out the time regularly to do it if I didn't.

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  3. I'm a "two and done" girl and never wanted any more than that, so I don't really have an answer to the how many question. I know lots of families where there are 4 or more kids who seem to do great. Just wasn't what I wanted, so I haven't thought a whole lot about how many is too many because anything more than two would have been too many for me. ;o)

    As far as the coaching, I am a coach and I try to email or talk with my clients at least twice a week. I definitely contact them in some way before a race, often with tips about how to handle the particular race they are running. Personally, I think feedback is more important than creating a plan, but that's just my style.

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  4. I also use Training Peaks... I communicate with some athletes almost daily and others only maybe once/week... depends on several factors and what type of training they are doing. But I do think it's true you get what you pay for... and not all coaches are created equal. ;)

    4 kids? I can't even begin to imagine!

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  5. You're over-thinking it: The size of your family will come naturally and each child will have his/her share of love and attention. As Phil Dunphy wisely said in "Modern Family": "You do your best and hope they don't turn into serial killers." That's my motto! :)

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  6. I second Jess's comment above. I loved "Modern Family!" LOL

    I think I am only wanting to have one more child and I do want Eva to be a little bit older so she can help me out some. However, I am 7 years older than my sister and 17 years older than my brother. I don't want my kids to be that far apart because it takes a lot longer for siblings to develop a real bond that way. My sister and I didn't become close until she was in college and I was in my mid to late 20s. My brother and I still aren't very close, though I hope that will come eventually as he gets older. He is 16 now!

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  7. That's too bad, I would definitely want and expect more ongoing feedback and communication with the coach. Otherwise you could have just bought or found a training plan!

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  8. I felt bad for my first when I found out I was pregnant. They're the same ages as your two. My husband really wants a third but I'm hesitant because I do find it difficult to give them each their one on one. With us it's the opposite my first commands attention and the baby is dragged along to all Of his activities. Adam just started pre k3 so I'm excited about the new found one on one time with the baby. I think if I do have a third it will be in a few years. The older two will have to both be in school, so they will be a little more independent and I'll have enough time to devote solely to a new baby... Wishful thinking.

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  9. I receive a lot more feedback from my coach.... I am not sure how much you paid, but I would expect some feedback

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  10. I personally plan to have "just" one kid (this way, if we have an oops, there would just be 2). For one thing, he or she wuould probably have lots of cousins because I have 4 sisters. Growing up in the middle of 5 kids was tough. I still feel the effects today -- feeling underappreciated, black sheep, etc. But we were very spaced apart, and that does matter. As someone said above, your family will come together naturally.

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