Nick

Kara

5.22.2009

Back to work...for a day

I have been looking forward to today for about 2 weeks. I was able to grade state tests today - a one day thing. Yesterday I started thinking, oh man, I can't take Nick to the Y to swim, we can't play, etc etc. But, last night I was ready and excited.

So today I headed into work. It was strange getting up, getting dressed. It felt really good. Nick was up at 3:30 from 9ish, not the best, but I got up around 5:15 to go on the treadmill. Having to pump first, it cut my workout short, but I ran 3.5 miles while I watched the news. It reminded me of the old days. I kind of liked it. I took a quick shower, Nick was awake around 6, so after getting changed I fed him. I had wanted to change my shirt, wasn't too sure about the outfit, but that went by the wayside, so what I had on was what I left the house with. I managed to make oatmeal and tea - I ate in the oatmeal at red lights on the way in the car. I fed Nick while walking around the house making sure I had everything together. Bill was staying with him till 8 and going into work late, and my mom took off today to watch him. I left the house when I wanted to and headed into work.

As I was nearing work, I started to feel sick. It wasn't that I didn't want to go. It just felt so normal and routine to be driving to work. As I walked up to the stoplight where some colleagues were standing, and they took a double take then gave me hugs, I felt really weird! Just that it was normal, like I could just jump right back into it. I made it up to the 3rd floor where I teach (taught), and felt the same way. It felt comfortable, normal - that I was there. I feel like I could do it - and I'm sure that I can, but leaving Nick 5 days a week - I wouldn't want to do. Still, there is no happy medium and I didn't want to regret that I left him. On Sunday, I emailed the superintendent to see if I could substitute teach - I could do this 1-3 days a week. He hasn't responded yet. I think this would be so great. I am almost sure he will say no. I just wish there was a way for me to stay involved with the kids and the math, and WORK. It is hard work staying home, and I definitely could do the working mom thing - I would just rather do it part time until Nick is a bit bigger. In fact, I think working (basing it only on this one day) will make me feel well rounded, and like who I am.


In other news, I started writing about running in Philly and wrote my first article on the Broad Street run. Check it out! It is a mini side job that I'll be doing. I think that I earn a cent for every view. Other than that, I am tutoring, but it just is not the same and could never replace teaching. I don't plan to stay home forever, but I think it will be harder and harder to leave Nick and then more kids. Maybe I should have just headed back in September (but too late now), so as not to prolong the process? I think about this often. And then I would return to who I am and figure out how I will include Nick in the who I am as a teacher - wife - and mom.

These adjustments are tricky.

15 comments:

  1. Ah, I wondered what you meant when you said you were going to work today, but forgot to ask - this clears it up!!

    Love the new writing gig - how did you end up with that?

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  2. Seems like you're really struggling. I'm sorry, wish there was an easy decision for you.

    Love the new writing job, really cool!

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  3. I wish there was a medium for you! I know so many teachers who do part time/shared classrooms, its too bad you cant.

    I do have another friend who subs though a couple days a week like you mentioned and she loves it! Seems like it could be the best of both worlds for you. If not this year will go by so fast and you will be back there teaching again soon :)

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  4. The EU is a zillion times more advanced on matching mommyhood and moneymaking than we are. I wish there was a good happy medium, too. The writing gig looks cool - congrats on landing that!

    PS: Mayor Nutter? With that surname really you should try to sell the city some of your nutter butters - he can use them in his campaign! :)

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  5. subbing sounds perfect! it'd be nuts if they don't let you...seriously, you'd be the most qualified one and you could actually TEACH something, not just babysit!

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  6. I hope the super. says yes!

    That's so awesome about your writing gig! Congrats!

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  7. Subbing would be a great middle ground. I hope you get a thumbs up. I know exactly what you are going through right now. I recently made the decision to go back full time and I am having the same feelings.

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  8. I really hope you get to sub. My fingers are crossed for you!

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  9. I hope substitute teaching works out for you. That seems like the perfect happy medium.

    And you will likely always feel torn about your decision. I've been back to work for months now and there isn't a day that goes by that I wonder whether I made the right decision. I think the grass is always greener.

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  10. I hope you can substitute. That would be perfect for you.

    I can relate to the nervous weird feeling you get when you walked back into the building. Sometimes i feel like that when i return from a long weekend or a vacation. i get nervous about the most stupid things too! :)

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  11. Nice article on Broad St!!!

    Quite frankly (and I am not a teacher and don't live in Philly), given how much passion you have for your job I would think the super would be itching to have someone like you back P/T. Hope that he realizes this when considering your request.

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  12. Sounds like you enjoyed your day of working! I hope you can arrange some kind of PT schedule.

    Loved the article, congrats! :)

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  13. I know a lot of women who sub and it's only a few days a week. I really hope that works out for you because it sounds perfect!

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  14. I know a few people that write curriculum for the subjects they teach.

    The writing is usually contract project based and have short time lines. The time commitment isn't full time so then you could have the time with your little guy.

    Just a thought.

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  15. I totally understand what you're going through. I actually have started subbing a day and a half a week (I live in Canada) and I love it. I love being at home with my little one (10 months) but I needed to make some extra cash, and to be honest...I really missed my students/colleagues! Subbing at my old school has been awesome -- a great balance. I return home a more refreshed mom and am super excited to spend time with my daugheter. Good luck to you -- I hope you get the opportunity to sub!

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