Nick

Kara

8.21.2011

This isn't your time

Well first here's my training of the last 2 weeks:

Recovery week: Run 13.1 miles (LOW!), bike 46.5 miles, swim 5.1 miles
Week 5: run 22.4 miles, bike 55.4 miles, swim 5.7 miles

This week I am focusing on running. I plan to do the long run with the group - I haven't ran outside for a long run in a LONG time and feel like it's crucial.

This morning I did a longer than anticipated bike ride. And there was alot of guilt associated with it. Usually we leave at 6:30 and we're back by 9. Today it was just my swimming friend Rose and I and we were going to meet at 7. As I was getting in the car, she called and had woke up late so we met a little bit later but I still planned to get back to our meeting spot by 9. She's the leader - I have no idea where we are going, and I realized it was getting close to 9 and we were no where near home. I started to get nervous and a little annoyed too! I wanted to get back for Sunday family time and my friend Nicole was coming to visit on her way back to DC.  So we started 20 minutes late, then rode 35 minutes longer than I wanted to! I wasn't too happy a camper but in the end, it was my longest bike ride ever! It was 33.1 miles - 2 hours and 15 minutes. Still pretty slow but getting faster! I was kind of upset that I missed most of the morning - I feel like Sunday morning is family morning. Yesterday I just needed to sleep in and we had a handful of house showings so it just happened to work out that way that we rode today. I think my new plan is get a moderate ride in during the week (just stinks because it will be alone), get back into the long runs on Saturday and pancake Sunday on Sundays!

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This past week my mother in law was here helping out. One thing she said is stuck with me. I don't even know how the conversation started or what the point of it was, now looking back, but she was telling me about a woman at her yoga class who was all about herself when her kids were young and how she (my mil) didn't make any time for herself but that she wouldn't change a thing. Personally, I think that I need the time to myself and to have my own goals, but she made me rethink and wonder if I'm being selfish in making the time to train hard for things and questioning my going back to work.
I don't think that she was trying to make me feel that way but I'm not really sure what the whole conversation was about!  What do you think? Should this be a time where I'm just working out to stay fit but not going crazy training for things and taking up weekend time and time in the mornings for myself?  Sometimes I feel bad that I'm always out of bed at 5am and when Nick wakes up I'm not there. And there's no cuddle time with Bill in the morning because by the time I get back, he is about to leave for work. Should I be concentrating on the kids (more) and the little time Bill and I have together instead of doing my own thing 6 days a week? I think it starts the day off fresh for me, but sometimes I do feel guilty and like maybe I need to tone it down a bit. 

Last, I'm debating on the pre-school thing for Nick in a few weeks. He's 2.5. Either I want to start him now or next fall at 3.5. I think it's a good thing but feel like I'm not ready!! I don't know what to do.

13 comments:

  1. Is it an option to start him in January? The schools near me will accept kids as long as they have space.
    I hope your MIL didn't mean to make you feel guilty because that's pretty harsh. You aren't taking time away from the kids to do frivolous things. Taking care of yourself is important. Having an identity beyond being a mommy is important. It's great that she can look back and have no regrets, but living the way she did doesn't guarantee you will feel the same way. You don't strike me as being selfish. :-)

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  2. Balance is obviously key to anything in life. And I personally think taking time away from the family is keeping your life in balance. Plus, you're modeling healthy things in life. But, people always do remind me that kids are only young once and that you'll have the rest of your life to train super hard. I guess you just gotta go with what feels right. I do know that I have a hard time working out in the morning because one of my fave things is feeding the baby while lying in bed.

    Soon enough you'll be able to do things as a family. I went bike riding with Jackson this weekend and it was so much fun. I want to make sure that whatever I do my training doesn't get in the way of having healthy family time, too.

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  3. I've emailed you, but forgot to say that Murray loves Nursery. It has been such a good thing for him (apart from the lack of sleep at times). He loves all the little activities they do and he loves playing with all the other babies. You'll now when you're ready.

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  4. I don't have kids, but I do have a crazy schedule and a huge tendency to over commit myself. I think as far as your husband is concerned, it's important for him to tell you if he needs/wants you around more. As for your son, I think it's important for kids to grow up knowing their parents have goals and interests outside of them. It sets an example, and I think that is a big deal - especially when it's fitness related. I also think some kids need to know that they are not the center of attention, but part of a family and that means compromise sometimes. I know he's young, but if he grows up knowing that it won't be a shock when he's 11. Again, I don't have kids, but that's my 2 cents.

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  5. Oh, and if it keeps you sane then it's very important to make time for! :)

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  6. Okay, so I don't have kids of my own, but one thing I have always said is that when I do have them, I will still keep my life as much as possible. it makes me sad when mom's (and dad's) give up things that they truly enjoy because they feel guilty. You're kids will end up happier if you are setting goals for yourself and doing things you love.

    Don't feel selfish... you are doing a great job of balancing, at least in my opinion! ;)

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  7. i think since you're not working, the time you are away is minimal and vitally important. guilt is a supremely useless emotion in this case. we all feel it and it sucks!

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  8. I swear they hand out guilt at the door of the delivery room!!! I don't think, rather I hope, your mil didn't mean any harm by her comment. If it was mine I would think differently...lol! It was just different then. I agree with the comments above. It is good for you to have something to keep you healthy as long as it is a healthy balance for your family. I know that this is something I ALWAYS struggle with but I am also out because of work. You and your family are the only ones who will know what works best!

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  9. I think looking at your life from time to time to make sure everything is in balance is important. It's easy to go day to day and get wrapped up in anything and let time pass. The most important thing is think about when you are old and gray and the kids are gone living their own lives. When you look back at that time will you have any regrets? You could regret you didn't take time to do something for yourself or you could regret you did too much for yourself. Asking your husband his HONEST opinion about it as well should be in consideration. Also if something effects your attitude at home too much or you feel rushed where you can't enjoy your children then you know you need to cut back. It's a reason why I'm not doing much with my blog. Too much time wasted and I know I won't be proud of that after the kids are grown.

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  10. Hmm, I'm of the belief happy wife/mom, happy life. It's not like your spending an inordinate amount of time training. You enjoy doing it and need time for your own interests.

    I wouldn't internalize the conversation. What does your MIL have to say about women who work full time then?

    Keep rocking those workouts. You have some crazy endurance, and it should translate well to the marathon.

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  11. i don't have kids so i can't weigh in on the time you spend with them or how much you should but i absolutely think you need time for YOU. but, there has to be a balance, esp when it comes time for bill. i think spouses already take a back seat when people have kids and throw in training...you never see them. i do believe you can make it work, just have to find the balance.

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  12. The best kind of mom is a happy mom. If training for a goal makes you a happy, that makes you a better mom. If devoting your time 100% to your kids is fulfilling and makes you happy, that's what you should do. Me personally, I need my own thing to be happy.

    And on the preschool front, it may be hard for you but I think the sooner you start him, the better. They learn a lot in preschool, if just from watching the older kids, and they really do have a great time.

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  13. I think the very fact that you worry about whether you are taking too much time for yourself shows that you are not just all about "you." In fact, it makes you just like me and every other mom I know. Go with your gut and don't give up the things you love because someone else implied that you should. You can be a good Mom and not spend every waking moment with your kids. Like someone else commented above, it is important for your sanity and good for your kids to see that you have your own life and interests in addition to them.

    But I do believe it is okay to compromise with yourself to try to get the best of both worlds if that's what you want. If you decide that it is important for you to be there in the mornings when the kids wake up, then adjust your schedule to make that happen sometimes. That doesn't mean you have to give up your exercise time all together and you don't have to be there every morning for the kids either.

    That's the only way I know how to approach it because being a mother is tough and I can't attck every aspect of my life at 100% and still stay sane or happy.

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