Nick

Kara

1.25.2010

Is it ever the right time...

to have a second child? Is it just like having your first baby? you are never really ready but your clock is ticking, or you want to start a family but there are lots of unknowns. I've been reading alot of blogs of yours who are unsure whether to start trying - questioning waiting till this season is over, etc. I'm glad the decision was made for me without having to plan it out because I probably would have gone nuts.

I know I was a resentful pregnant person with Nick (why do I have to be pregnant? why do I have to give up my body?) and didn't want anyone doing me any favors, I wasn't going to be taking elevators or sitting on the couch because I was pregnant - I wanted to be treated like everyone else. This time around, I am somewhat the same, I wouldn't say resentful because I think it is pretty amazing what our bodies can do, but I am in denial. I am not ready to gain weight and try to get back to where I want to be again - my body, running. I don't want to talk about the pregnancy - I haven't fully accepted it yet. I will look at baby name books, but I don't really want to think about it, and I'm not really keeping track of how many weeks have passed and how many to go. I'm in a state of denial. And I know in a few years it will be a cool thing to have 2 kids close in age.

I haven't left Nick for the night yet, which is probably sad, but the first 11 months were nursing related and now I just don't have a reason to. I know that I will be anxious for the first time leaving him, but I'm sure it will get easier. My mom had to mention yesterday that she'd watch him when we were in the hospital. I didn't want to think about that - I already feel terrible for the little guy losing his solo time - ugh!! I was not happy. I am very hard on my mom but she has 400 things going on at once, and I feel like Nick would be unsupervised and fed whatever they were eating. I'm sure it wouldn't be terrible but the first time with my parents is going to cause me a ton of anxiety. We left Nick with them this weekend for about an hour and a half and had one direction - bottle at noon, warm it up 20 seconds. We came home at 1:15 and he hadn't had his bottle yet. My mom also says things like, what is this horrible stuff you are eating Nick? (greens, grains, beans - things I probably never ate as a baby). That makes me so mad!!

But back to the topic, you don't know what you are getting into, you are just settling into life with 1, and then, BAM! back to square 1? I'm not ready for this! (Reading this you could be thinking, well, you dumb***, you should have been more careful... ) I am just starting to feel like I have some personal time, he's on a great schedule, I can tutor, we can go places and he's good! And soon he'll walk and it could be even easier taking him places and he can hold my hand!


Thanks for the ideas on budgetting and your experience with the supermarket. I never even thought I should cut out Whole Foods but maybe I will! I do think their grains are cheaper than packaged? What do you think? I don't buy too much of their crazy priced things. Necessities: Duplex cookies (2.50), grains, coconut oil ($ most places), and now I want to look for nutritional yeast. Have you had it?

16 comments:

  1. I understand about leaving him with someone and not really going how you instructed; I have just kinda learned to live with it. The bottle thing is kind of important, BUT he is eating other foods so it isn't going to kill him (but ya, get the whole point is that they didn't follow the simple instruction). I just try and use the mindset that one (two) days or even three isn't going to kill him. Before you really start leaving him with someone think about what things are the most important to you that not be broken (especially food). Have to remember that Grandparents do have a special relationship with their grandbabies...but they have to respect the parents wishes too :-). I still have a hard time with it though...

    We have friends here whose first two are 15 months apart and honestly, now that they are older (their oldest is Jackson's age) I really wish we'd have kept ours closer in age. I really think it'll make the difference in the end...and you'll still get your fun times with Nick. Soak up as much as you can now...and find a sitter so you two can still do fun things after the baby is a little older.

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  2. I haven't left my son overnight either. And he is 27 months.

    And I have no idea how I'll make the "when is it time for another" decision.

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  3. if it makes you feel any better - we went through a period like you where things got "easier". She was eating regularly, sleeping regularly, becoming more interactive ... and we started being able to do more with her. But now we are back in again, Brooke is 15 months. She walks, but wants "DOWN" when I try to carry her. She wont hold my hand and wont walk where we want her to. She throws her food. She has a new trick where she screams bloody murder. Over and over. Then she laughs. She also insists on yelling "HI" at everyone around us. Its cute once. But as the people are trying to eat she keeps doing it. "HI HI HI" and waving. Eventually they all look away from us and keep their heads down so they dont make eye contact. We have clearly interrupted their meal.

    Its never the right time, but you will figure it all out and things will be wonderful ... it might just take s few years ;)

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  4. Oh, you will be very happy when your youngest is about 18 months old and they start playing together and occupying each other. This lets you get stuff done and not feel guilty about it...trust me. Starting over is hard. I didn't feel it so much with the second, but did feel it with the 3rd since our 2nd was 3 1/2 when he was born. That was really starting over for us! I mean we were out of diapers and they were both able to buckle themselves in their booster seats.

    Now, I am at a point where I am debating #4 because I feel like #3 needs a buddy like the first two, plus we have always had 4 kids in our head. But...stopping at 3 is also attractive. It sounds so callous because we are talking about bring another human being into the world, but like you said it takes a toll on your body and you put your life on hold, in a sense. I think having another child is always a big decision, no matter the number. I wish more people put as much thought into it.

    You never hear people say they regret having their last child, but I have talked to many people who regret not having one more.

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  5. All I can say is hang in there and things will work themselves out. Just be thankful for all your blessings and try not to stress.

    I enjoyed your last post too!

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  6. I can't address your concerns directly because my husband and I have chosen to have just one kid. But I can tell you that my brother and I are only 12 months apart. Now that I'm a mom, I can really appreciate what a shocking and scary bit of news that was for my mother. But I can also tell you that my brother is, and always has been, one of my favorite people in the world. Nick will have that same wonderful experience.

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  7. Thanks for the post - I feel the same way! Our second one is a surprise too, and I just now (34 weeks) started realizing that we're actually going to have 2 children. I keep thinking that if it didn't happen this way, I never would have been ready.
    And, for something to look forward to - my brother and I are about the same age difference as yours will be, and he is one of my best friends in the world.

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  8. I think everybody questions what is the perfect time! My husband freaked out with the first and then the second one. However, they are amazing kids and I could not have timed it better while I am looking back on it. You know what is best for you and your family!!

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  9. Hubs and I have been asking ourselves the same question re: starting our family. When will it be the "right time" for us? Is there ever a time that we will feel 100% ready? I guess one day it'll just happen, or we'll just get that feeling and know...

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  10. I almost envy the people who it just "happens" to - especially with the first. But I so agree with you and how you are a bit resentful. I DO NOT want to give up my body; I do not want to gain weight and have to stop running. I keep hearing that it doesn't have to be that way, but in reality, it is - don't try to fool me. I really want kids though, too. And although I am really open for adoption, my husband isn't (my cousin adopted two kids, it was a mess of an experience with both, that is what he is basing it on). I worked really hard to get where I am, and I am affraid to give it up. Sooo torn - but don't feel guilty, I get it.
    In a way, I am jealous of people who have already done it (started their families) and got it out of the way! Don't beat yourself up too much, it's okay to be upset for a while, I think it's only natural. :)

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  11. There is no right time, as I am learning. Every day I change my mind about whether we should start trying for #2 or not. It will be the right time when it happens.

    And Nick will be fine when you leave him. You turned out fine so your mom must know something about taking care of toddlers.

    And like someone above said, it DOES NOT get easier when they start walking so you aren't missing out on these great walks where Nick will be holding your hand. You chase and pick them up because they want to go where they want to go.

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  12. definitely no right time!! which also means no WRONG time. i think the grass is always greener, AND that there are things that will SUCK no matter what and we all just have to get through it. toddlers (mine almost qualifies) can be SO annoying, but what can you do? and i hear you on leaving...but overnight SHOULD be easier cuz he'll be asleep and won't even know you're gone. but it is good after the fact to give up some of that control...it was like that for me and daycare, it was'nt so bad after i was FORCED to leave her! ubt the anticipation stunk.

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  13. Maybe leaving him is exactly what you need? some time for you and hubs to decompress, enjoy some alone time. it sounds like you're overwhelmed and i'm sure it's stressful. i know my sister struggled with things like that w/ my mom. our parents just have a different way of doing things. but we all turned out ok...

    never thought of giving up whole foods? geesh, i refuse to shop there. we went to the new one to look around but aside from bulk grains, i won't buy anything there. their prices are insane. we were in disbelief at how much cheaper we get the same products elsewhere.

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  14. There is never a good time. Seriously. It's always that way, you feel like you are just getting into a good routine for yourself, and it starts over. You will be okay! Having 2 really is not worse than having one, it just takes a little longer to do things :)

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  15. I still haven't left my 17 month old over night. In fact I can count on one hand the number of overnights that my 8 YEAR old daughter has had. (Her choice) We just like to be under the same roof.

    You will be fine. You will find a schedule and a routine. Your body will be yours again. It's just the panic all mommys face (some don't admit it).

    Just breath in and out each day. Stop trying to be super woman. Sometime less is more.

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  16. Hang in there girl! If you need anyone to talk to, I'm here... even though I have no idea what your going through or how to deal with it. I do know that eventually, it'll all work out!

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