Yesterday I decided I was done pumping. It had come to the point where I was pumping less than an ounce in about 20 minutes and it seemed futile. I was only still nursing Nick in the mornings, but I have a feeling that might just end up drying up. I've kind of been sad/emotional about it, even though I made it far, it takes some work, etc etc etc, I'm disappointed and feel sad about it. I have been giving Nick formula 2 times a day already, and used to pump enough for his nighttime bottle (6oz) - from all day's pumping, but it started to decrease each week/day to less and less.
Overall, I've been emotional and can cry at the drop of a hat. I think my hormones are all over the place. I'm finding it hard to be home and be alone with Nick all day even when I plan things for most days. I just got a group of friends together for a playgroup that hopefully will be good for both of us, but I quit gymboree in the new year. Staying at home is definitely isolating. Tutoring is something that I look forward to, but it is during Nick's nap, which takes away my free time that I feel that I have little of as it is. My main focus has been his birthday which has kept me going but I get bored very easily and need projects to keep me busy.
Do you ever wish you were one of those people who didn't have to work out and could eat whatever they want? I do almost every day. I love the feeling working out gives me but I feel like I have to do it and if I don't do it, that I'd be very unhappy with my body. It's a deadly triangle and I think it sucks feeling like I have to exercise everyday so that I can eat what I want. I haven't tracked my calories/eating and definitely need to. Running has been going ok, last week I missed my 30 miles/week goal by 2.7 miles that I just couldn't push myself to do!
I keep craving things and wanting to bake. It's horrible because I really just want to eat my fruits and veggies and stop eating anything junky. Today I really just wanted Naturally Nutty - the butter toffee flavor. So, I took my almonds and coated them with butter and sugar as per a recipe I found online, and made my own version of the nut butter. IT was delicious but somehow their version has the same nutrition facts as regular peanut butter, which I know mine does not with butter and sugar in the mix. I'd break down and order it if they didn't say they were sending me samples and then I never heard from them again! Booo!
It is the last week of HBBC and I have to say that I was 10x more motivated last year when I was at the end of my pregnancy with Nick!