I know - it's the same tale back and forth. I'm not happy with where I am - running wise, physically - they go together and I keep going in circles. Thank you to all the mamas who gave me some advice on the nursing. It is totally frustrating. I want to continue but feel like I am drying up. I'm going to try to be a super pumper.

We'll start with running - swimming, too. I feel starting in June I just started making up excuses for myself not to train hard. Right after Nick was born, I had the fire to get my speed back, train for Boston and my mindset was great. Boston was fantastic, then I did a 10 miler just 2 weeks later and wasn't too far off my PR. I did a pseudo race on the treadmill in May and after that it just all went downhill. I didn't know if I wanted to start training so I kept putting it off. Finally I started training but half-assed. I had a few good long runs but when it came time for marathon day, I was 'out to enjoy the day.' I guess I can attribute it to being burnt out, but I'm tired of making excuses for myself and frustrated with myself. In swimming, I volunteer to go last in the lane so that I don't have to push it. What gives?

Physically - I just go back and forth from being entirely frustrated. Am I eating too much? Too little? I have a nice pouch in my stomach that I can't escape - all this through marathon training and nursing? How do I not have a six pack? I don't eat whatever I want. All of this time, I have tried to just listen to my hunger signals and I eat when I'm hungry. And I eat healthy most of the time. I didn't want to restrict calories because I wasn't sure if it would affect my milk supply. Now that my milk supply seems to be dwindling, I can't help but wonder if I am eating enough. But I cannot imagine eating more and losing weight. When I went to a nutritionist about a year and a half ago, she told me I should be eating 2700 calories. I was eating around 1800. Now I'm around 2000. I am really trying to count and see how much I am eating to figure it out - but I can't seem to cut it any less than 1800 without being starving, and this isn't getting me anywhere. If I try eating more, I feel like I'm going to gain MORE weight! What to do!

I continue to feel very frustrated with myself and it is seeping into my everyday life - which is even more frustrating and disappointing. As I sit here and have been pumping for 30 minutes and have hardly 2 ounces.


  1. First of all, pumping never did anything for me.

    Second of all......stress has so much to do with milk supply, etc. You are doing so much training physically and mentally (taking care of a baby is draining I think anyway ;-).

    Don't put so much pressure on yourself for the last few pounds, PRs, etc. In fact, maybe it's the fact you're stressing over it so much that it's not working out the way you are wanting it to.

    Also...this may be a stupid question...but are you still taking a good multivitamin? Do you take EPA/DHA as well? The EPA/DHAs have so much to do with mood. I slacked taking mine the last few weeks and I really think that's why I fell into a slump with running.

    Hang in there!!

  2. I agree with Chari. I can't remember what they're supposed to be drinking at this age but I do remember it starting to dwindle and me thinking holy crap he can't possibly be getting anything. But I think as long as you're nursing the number of times per day they recommend...and not going over board on the amount of solids he's getting, he has to be getting what he needs. Remember...babies know what they need! Try not stress! That'll only make it worse. But if you really start to feel like it isn't working THAT'S OK!!!

    I think you need to take a big break. Enjoy the holidays; eat some great food, drink some wine, relax!!! Get back in the groove when you feel like it is going to be right for you. And seriously, you look fantastic!!

  3. I haven't had time to read blogs lately but saw your comment (thanks!) and wanted to see what you're up to. I'm sorry you're having a slump! As the previous comments said, give yourself a break! I think as athletes we put a lot of stress on ourselves and being a stay at home mom, which I can attest to, is exhausting! I'm impressed you have as much motivation as you do.

    As far as your weight/body image goes, you may be surprised when you stop nursing that you may shed a few pounds just from the hormones involved. And if you can't make it the whole year, don't stress. Being a dietitian I was bound and determined to make it a year and when I had to stop at 6 months I was devastated. Hind site, it wasn't nearly as big a deal as I thought at the time!

    Because I've been suffering from thyroid issues for the last 14 months of course that's what I have a heightened awareness of, but have you had your thyroid checked? It has done a number on me and actually caused me to stop nursing at 6 months. It's a simple blood test your doctor can order. Just an idea, it's not uncommon to have happen post partum. Also, how are your iron levels? Since you don't eat red meat it's VERY important that you're getting enough iron and a supplement may be required if you're not getting enough via your diet. Iron has a much lower absorbency when it is in plant form...just something to remember :-) And having a low iron status can make it more difficult to lose weight due to a slower metabolism.

    Anyways, that's my 2 cents (or more like 10 cents ;-)

    Hope you have a great Thanksgiving and ENJOY yourself!

  4. Just like Sara said, when I stopped nursing about 5 lbs just disappeared. Maybe your body is just holding onto the extra weight since you are nursing?

  5. I think everyone already said what I was gonna say, but I hear that once you stop nursing, those few extra pounds just melt away!

  6. Since I am no expert on babes or nursing, I am sure the ladies above are right. Hopefully you can take it to heart and try to use it.
    As far as food and the dietition...I think you should go back to one and try a new one. It sounds like the one you went to wasn't hearing what you needed or watned. Try it again.
    As far as running, I hear you sista'! Go over to my blog today and you will see we are in the same boat. I had put so much pressure on myself for so long that I truly believe I have burnt myself out. I love to run, I just need it to be more fluid and less rigid - which I think you need to do, too. We both overthink things, I think going back to a more organic running/exercising routine with less structure will help us both.
    Have a great Tureky day girly - sending lots of good thoughts your way!!! :) (((Huggs)))

  7. First please give yourself a break. Don't beat yourself up over little things that just seem BIG.
    Milk supply. Pumping will over time (with consistancy) increase your milk supply. You just have to simulate that your baby is still nursing every few hours. Again, only if you want to continue to nurse. At 9 months, he might be ready to start weaning. This choice is up to you. Pumping for 30 minutes (both sides??) would be more than enough. You can email me if you want greater detail on continuing your milk supply.
    You weight. I had an eating disorder (distorted body image!) as a younger person. It is something that I have gained control over partly because of running. Please don't worry about a number. Be honest with yourself, look in the mirror, you know how you really feel (health-wise). It is just a number. What matters is your health. Find smaller goals. Eating healthy, staying positive, running so many days a week or whatever but don't make it a number of pounds you HAVE to be.
    Enjoy the holidays. With a little reflection maybe you will find a better balance.
    Happy Thanksgiving.

  8. I agree with everyone! You look great! One suggestion though with the calories. Do you have a heart rate monitor? I wore mine for a week straight and monitored how many calories I was burning in a 24hr period. Then I subtracted 500 and that was what I tried to eat. Just a suggestion...trying it out myself and it was something my trainer suggested.

  9. That last little bit won't go away until you stop nursing- it's your body's safety net. And if you aren't eating enough, your body will just hold on to more and store it! Why can't it be easy, right??