A little lost & daily mile

 This week I've been feeling a little lost in terms of staying at home.  Don't get me wrong, I feel lucky that I have the opportunity but sometimes I really miss my job. And I'm sure if I was at work, I'd miss the kids. The grass is always greener. I've kind of stopped looking for part-time teaching jobs because there aren't many out there. If I could teach a class one night/week at a college, that would be perfect. While I have odd jobs here and there - tutoring, online math scoring, writing for examiner, I miss the connections that I have made with students being a teacher.  Yesterday I woke up and just wasn't feeling it. The weeks get really long and 2 days/week if I could teach, I see that as the happy medium - although I'm sure it would have its downfalls of getting everything done. If you work part time do you enjoy it? or do you feel like you are basically doing full time work in less days?

As far as preschool I decided to wait until Nick is almost 3 (one year) mostly because it is $850 extra (for 4 months:2 days/week for 2.5 hours)to start him in Sept and I just feel that is a lot of money right now. I think the break from him will be needed and great so I'm looking into cheaper programs for next fall.

Some mornings when I'm going through the process of everything, I question if I have the patience for this. Some mornings I am awesome w/ tons of patience but by the end of the week, I am done.
  • The fight to keep Nick's pants on (he likes to take them off) and get his jacket on and get him out the door - sometimes I want to scream.
  • The "no" and making a complete mess of whatever he is playing with and refusing to pick it up (he goes to time out or to his room)
  • Kara "biting" me when she's eating - no teeth yet but clamping down. Yesterday I'd had enough and just said ALRIGHT! you're done! Haha. Not right or fair to do that to a 6 month old but I'd had it.
  • And then the "do you want milk? " No. Then I put the milk away and it's a meltdown "want milk! want milk!"
These are all small things as compared to all of the little things that I cherish.  Learning new things, hearing things come out of Nick's mouth for the first time and knowing that I'm the one (and Bill) that has taught him everything he knows!
  • Nick saying GOOD to himself when he answers a question right. Hearing him say Mommy and Mommy runnin.. and run like mommy and getting him in the morning
  • Kara's big bright smile when I get her in the morning...
Stay-at-home moms - how did you find balance? I feel like I put 110% into the kids and don't want to miss anything, but at the same time, I definitely need more me time.  Getting up and working out with other people is one of the highlights of my day.  Most of all, I'm trying to enjoy every minute because I know it goes so quickly and that I will really truly miss these days... but I think I need to find a way to do a bit more of what I love.  I am probably just going through a phase where I miss work with the 2 kids and Kara being 6 months and being confined to a feeding schedule, etc.  With Nick, it took me 13 months to be comfortable at home. That first year is hard! Now it's the first year with #2 and dealing with a toddler with opinions.

Also, the fenugreek seems to be working really well! I bought drops and have put in water. Seems to be helping?! (yet the taste is pretty nasty)

I'd also like to say that I find DAILY MILE so motivating! So glad I got into this training log - facebook for athletes! :) I'm under Natalie D.


  1. I think staying at home with kids is the toughest job there is -- demanding, tiny bosses who never give you a raise :)

    Seriously, it is tough to stay at home; I am at home in the mornings and work in the afternoon/evening, and there are plenty of days when I'm all too happy to drop Norah off at daycare and go to work.

    But, I don't think there is any perfect situation; you just have to make the work.parenting choices that you feel work best for you and your family.

    $850 is pretty expensive, especially since I think you were discussing part-time preschool. Norah goes to a really nice daycare/preschool, and we pay about $500/month for part-time, so I'd shop around if I were you.

  2. Ugh, I totally understand the meltdown about milk! Since Ethan doesn't talk very well or many words he goes to the fridge a million times a day looking for snacks. He has a fit until we go to the fridge to see what he wants. Most time the choices are limited and he doesn't want anything. He's been bad about not eating his meals and just wants to snack on random stuff all day. He has gotten better a little bit over the past couple of weeks since he's starting to talk more, but it hasn't improved his eating habits. I know toddlers snack, but the not eating at meal time is getting to me because I know he's not getting protein and a good combo of food to fill up and stop going to the fridge or pantry all day.

  3. My goal is to keep my current corporate job and be able to work from home most days when I have kids. It won't be easy, but I'd rather be available at least physically as much as possible. Maybe the PhD I'll be getting will afford me some part-time teaching gigs, though I haven't ventured down that path yet.

    I also just joined Daily Mile! I'm under nobel4lit.

  4. reading that made me feel sad. i'm sure it's not easy for you and it sounds like it's really weighing on you. what about taking some time in the evenings to get out with girlfriends? hang in there.

  5. I feel like I am reading about my own life. Elena is the same way with taking off her pants, especially now that she is potty trained. There are some days where she runs around the house for hours without pants on (it drives me crazy). And getting her out the house isn't easy since I am trying to get her coat on and she is so distracted and not able to focus. I try to be patient, but it can be hard some days. Reading your post made me feel better since I am not the only one going through this!

    I have definitely gone through phases where I am jealous of my husband for going off to work each day. I then start fantasizing what it would be like to have a paying job and even perused job postings. But there is no good part-time work, like you mentioned, so when I started to think about how our life would be different if I worked full-time, I just never went forward with the plan. Lately, I have actually been enjoying being at home and have felt lucky. One thing that really helped is that I have met more of my neighbors who stay home full time and I have developed friendships with them. I agree with you that the grass is always greener. Good luck with figuring out what to do.

  6. I am not a mom, right now, but I am glad that I read this post. My fiance and I are debating the stay home not stay home right now. It is a hard choice to make- some days I think I would want nothing more than to stay home with my kid(s) and some days I just couldn't imagine not working. I am hoping that the current job I have now will maybe allow some flexibility so that I could do a little bit of both but just not sure right now.

    I really like daily mile- when I use it :). I've been an off-again, on-again gal :)

  7. Have you thought about networking with other teachers and seeing if someone is in the same situation as you? My sister in law ended up job sharing with a co-worker for both their first and second children, and it worked out well as the kids arrived within three months of each other both times, so they didn't miss a beat. I know it's hard to come by, but you never know.

  8. It's a tough job, that's for sure! I have always considered myself lucky b/c I have freelance writing. Even when the kids were very young, I'd have someone come in a few hours/week so that I could get some writing in and maybe even a workout or two. It also gets easier as they get older and you make more connections, they have playdates, etc. Hang in there!

  9. Yeah i think the first year must be the toughest due to the constant milk. Good to know about the fenugreek BTW. I will start to phase back in to work in Feb (yikes, 1 more week off!) so I will update how it goes. I keep thinking if I get tired now, what will it be like when I've got to function at work, especially with my exam students!!!!! Yikes! I find the weeks fly in, but I do keep v busy with lot of groups and swim lessons etc, etc, but yes there are days when it is a bit lonely/hard!!! If it helps I got annoyed with Murray today for not taking his bottle for the umpteenth time and then about an hour later after finally taking it he upped the whole blooming thing all over my kitchen and me and HOW guilty did I feel! I was meant to be heading to the gym and it was just before mum came to let me go. 40 mins later after cleaning us all up and kitchen and re-feeding him I got out and all the time I was thinking what a nightmare that would be if it was just before work!!!!
    Hope you work out what is best for you. Some days ARE hard! Some days are AWESOME!

  10. Wish i knew how to help.... i'm here if you need adult chat :)

  11. My kiddos are about the same age difference as yours. Those early years were tough. I debated about how much to work... I needed to work for mental sanity, but also felt guilty when I was away from the kiddos. It is so important to take care of yourself as a mom. Don't feel guilty for taking time for yourself. It really does make you a better mom.

  12. Hi! Just stumbled upon your blog via Broken Hearted Runner's best blogs of 2011 (Congrats!!!). You totally described my state of mind 3 years ago! My girls are now 5 and 4 (14 months apart). But when they were younger - I felt like I was losing myself. It is really hard! I did the same thing - found time to workout with other moms. Great stress reliever and an awesome opportunity to reconnect with adults;). If you find a part-time job that you enjoy - go for it! Ditto to Kristen's comment on taking care of yourself.

    I would go for the preschool. It teaches kids so much - socializing, learning to take direction from other adults, becoming more independent, etc. Plus - it gives you some time. Win-win situation!

    I assure you - it DOES easier as they get older. They become more independent and it definitely gets more fun everyday!! Hang in there!

  13. Brent and I have been having the Kid Talk more and more recently, and one of the things that keeps coming up is how we'll figure out the logistics, with both of us working full-time. I feel like there's no good answer for this stuff and both options have got to be really hard for different reasons. I agree with Denise - maybe getting some time to yourself or out with friends will help?

  14. HI Natalie ~ I'm glad to have met you on DM :) Your journey so far is very inspiring and I can't wait to visit your blog and read your archives about running through pregnancy, and running a marathon so close to giving birth! Your children are beautiful :)