In the middle

Thanks so much for the votes on the pictures. I ended up going with #1 only because it went really nicely with the invite. #3 was my favorite and I'll use it for something.  Check it out:

I want to learn how to make these type of things in photoshop because I'm so picky when it comes down to it. In the meantime, I recommend cherished times on etsy. She is great and so awesome to work with!

My workouts have been getting done lately but the drive isn't there. I'll be in the middle of a run or swimming and wonder, why am I here? Haha!  Yesterday I got through the swim workout without really working hard on more than one set.  This morning at the track, I was warming up slowly thinking, I don't want to be a runner anymore. I got into the workout eventually but it wasn't giving 100%. What is my problem? My favorite part was cooling down and chatting with these 2 guys that inspire me to go faster.  One of them swims with me in the morning. He's probably 5"4 and has 4 kids.  We have the same work ethic. We want to get in the pool, do the workout and not be sitting around, and then we swim more when the workout is done. He's inspiring!  The other guy is the husband of a girl that I went to high school with - they have 2 kids with the same gap as ours so it's nice to talk to someone else. And the miles fly by. I can do it if I'm not alone and pushing myself. I need people to push me lately.

I don't know if I can handle marathon training. It's due to start in 3 weeks.  I'm in a routine now of spinning, lifting and doing core, swimming and only running when I feel like it. I feel bad deciding not to use the coach if I don't pursue the marathon and I already bought the registration. I guess I need a kick in the a**? I'm not sure what to do - I'm stuck in the middle of - a) do I do the marathon and suck it up and get the motivation going somehow or b) do I just stay status quo and continue my current routine of doing what I want and enjoying it?  I keep thinking about it and wonder how late I can tell the coach that I might back out!

In everyday life, lately I've had a few rough weeks. Weeks where I have no patience and think that it's because of my cycle but then I realize it's not just one time a month. I question if I am cut out to be a stay at home mom. If you are a stay at home mom, does this happen to you? Like days where I want to run as fast as I can out of the house.  And scream - and days where I also could just break down and cry. And it's mostly not Nick (the 2-year old), it's Kara! I think it's her phase right now of wanting to walk everywhere all around, and just not entertaining herself. She either crawls to my feet and cries and whines or just screams until I pick her up. It's very trying, and making me lose patience with Nick when he asks me the same question 500 times. HELP!!! I've been thinking maybe I just don't have the patience to be a stay at home mom or maybe it's just a hard phase. I don't really know, but I'm struggling. 

I think part of it also is that I'm a control freak and don't trust many other people to watch the kids. I would just love to go away for the weekend with Bill but I am so nervous about leaving the kids behind - even with my own mom.  I feel like I totally need a break - but then would I even be refreshed?


  1. I cant believe kara is almost one! it seems like she was just born! where does time go?

  2. I'm right there with you, I dont think I'm cut out to be a stay at home mom, long term. Except for me it's my 3 year old, my almost 1 year old is super easy. I just dont have patience. It's been a very rough week for me too, so maybe I don't feel like this normally.

  3. I say do what feels right in terms of exercise and training. I definitely could not be a stay at home mom. I have been working part-time, which is good b/c I am out of the house some but not too much that I feel guilty for not being around for them. Having said that, the age range you have right now is tough. They want independence, but still need you a lot. Chin up...it will get better :-)

  4. First up....LOVE the invite! Kara's headband matches perfectly!

    Second up...I don't stay at home but I think it is just a phase. I am feeling this way too and I don't see Em enough!! You are a great mom and have done so much! Hang in there and follow your heart!

  5. The invites came out SO cute! She really is a doll ; )

    I've been a stay at home mom for 5 years now and I totally know where you're coming from. I taught high school before having kids and everyone thought that sounded tough but it was a walk in the park compared to my job now! We don't get breaks, we don't get vacation, we're always on the clock and it can be pretty draining. I do feel like it's gotten a little easier now that my oldest is 5 and can do a lot more things for herself and has grown out of her tantrum stage and is (mostly) pretty good about following directions and obeying rules. She also plays really well with her 3 year old sister so that's nice having built in playmates. It was much harder even just two years ago when they were your kids age. Something that's helped me is joining mother's groups and setting up play dates for my kids so I have social time with other moms and get some adult conversation in during the week : ) Also I know it's super hard trusting other people with your kids but my husband and I have left the kids overnight with the grandparents before, just for a weekend or so, and it is so refreshing! It just helps you feel like an individual again, which I think can get lost sometimes when you're constantly catering to the needs of your kids. I love staying at home with my kids and honestly can't imagine not being able to be with them all day and be there for the milestones, the teaching moments, the little discoveries and just the every day cute and funny things they do. That being said, I like having my breaks too. Whether it's swapping with a friend, hiring a babysitter for a few hours, or leaving them with the husband, it's always good to have a little breather and come back ready to take it all on again : ) From the glimpses I've gotten from your blog I think you're an awesome mom and your kids are lucky to have you. Everyone has there rough days so don't be too hard on yourself : )

  6. You are not alone. I will admit that there have been moments where I just started crying since I can feel so defeated; the house is a disaster, Elena is annoying me, the dogs are barking, I am exhausted, and I can't get Adelaide to take a nap. I have started running in the evening and occasionally I tell Scott that this is my break from my jail sentence. Some days are SO hard, but there are days that are easy where I feel lucky to stay home and really love being able to spend lots of time with the kids.3w

    I think the stage that Kara is at is so hard since you basically have to be tending to her constantly. The hardest stage I had with Elena was 12-18 months when she was walking every where and basically a danger to herself.

    If your mom is willing to watch your kids, you should totally get away. The kids will be fine.

  7. I guess the grass is always greener. I'd give an arm to be a stay at home mom. At the same time I completely understand being overwhelmed being with your little ones all day long. I only have one, and Lord knows I can't wait for my DH to walk in the door on Sunday night after I've been home alone with Emily all weekend.

    Can you drop them off at a mom's day out type of program for a few hours during the week?

    Perhaps once the fall rolls around you'll be in the mood to do another marathon? Training for one during the summer always sounded frightening to me. I'm sure the coach would let you work with him during a later training cycle. It's a lot of time ot invest in an activity, especially if you not having fun. Remember it's meant to be fun!

    The invitation looks awesome. I can't believe Kara is turning one. I'm feeling really behind on the babymaking now, lol.

  8. On the running front you sound burnt out. I think jumping into marathon training isn't going to help you find your passion for running. It sounds like you need a break.

    On the stay at home mom front, I'm still working part time but I wonder if I'm cut out to stay home as well. If we have a second I'll likely stay home. And while Zach is easy and he's a little person now, a baby, I don't know if I'm ready for that. So no advice, but just know that you aren't alone with these feelings.

  9. The invitation is so cute! I don't have any answers for you, especially since I don't have kids of my own. If you're not feeling the marathon training though- don't do it. There are so many things that you HAVE to get done in life and if you don't want to run a marathon right now, you don't HAVE to. You always stay in shape with one thing or another, so I wouldn't worry about a long training cycle unless you were excited about it.

  10. The invite looks great!

    As you know, training for and running a marathon is a massive commitment - you can't force it if your heart is not in it.

  11. I am not a mother (yet) and can't really add any personal experience. But I have one word for you: GO! Your mother will watch the kids (even overnight?). Trust her (she's a mother too! :), take a break and you will feel much better. You can't be the fabulous mother you are, if you're not taking care of yourself. I have some girlfriends who would do anything to have their parents nearby and volunteer to watch their kids while they took a break. A lot of them don't have that option.
    As others have said, it sounds like you need a running break and you seem to be enjoying the workouts you're doing now, so maybe use the summer as some rest time and you might find your mojo for something later in the year. Or perhaps take advantage of the grandparents babysitting and take off for a travel race somewhere warm! :)

  12. In my very limited experience, being a stay at home mom is hard!! But being a working mom is hard too! Being a mom is hard! ;) but you are doing a fabulous job and I always get inspired by your posts. Between raising kids, the workouts and all the cool recipes, I'd say your batting a thousand. Its totally normal to want to run out of the house screaming! You have two little ones. I don't have any advice, but I wish you e best of luck on the days you feel like that.

    As for the marathon, don't push yourself to do something you don't really want to. If you enjoy your workouts, I'd say stick to that. There's nothing wrong with not doing a marathon, and your workouts are already amazing! I'd say do what makes you happy.

  13. Oh honey, it's hard! Murray is clingy at mo too - thought it was just because he had a nasty tummy bug (horrid trip to A & E) but that sounds v familiar!!!! It is so normal what you feel - It is relentless - no break, no weekend lie in, always tag team and I def feel like I could go some time out and yet as I work, I can't bear being away from him more. 1 weekend with gran/grandad will be such an adventure for the kids - your parents may not do it exactly as you do but if you just accept that it's a lot easier to cope with.
    You def sound a bit burnt out - so much energy goes to the kids so sport needs to be time out to replenish, not drain you further.
    You do an amazing job - you really really do. Having baby number 2 is a whole diff kettle of fish.
    Be kind to yourself - I suspect you find that quite hard!!

  14. I can't believe she's almost a year old! I hear you about the stay at home thing! Until I had #2 I thought I wanted a large family, etc, etc...but wow, it's tough! I'm positive I don't want a big family now, I won't be able to take it. I also really want to homeschool....so I'm trying to take it one day at a time and realize that it will get a little better as they get older and are able to help around the house. I agree with some of the above comments about getting into mommy groups. I have not done this and am going to look into it for this fall. There are some days I don't get out of the house. I eagerly look forward to waking up super early 3 days a week for a run....and I hate getting up early! lol

    I don't know what to say about your running. You do sound a bit burned out. Maybe too many irons in the fire right now?

  15. First off, I think you should focus on the workouts that you enjoy doing. I bet you will naturally come back around to enjoying running eventually, but you will certainly never like it if you make yourself do it and hate every minute of it. Give yourself a chance to see if you miss it.

    Second, I don't think that getting frustrated now and then with the kids means that you are not cut out to be a stay at home mom. I love my job but there are days, sometime weeks that I am just frustrated with everything about work--it always passes and I still think that I am meant to be a working mother for the time being.

    However, we all reserve the right to change our mind and if you think you might want to go back to work, then you might start exploring your part time options if you can find someone you trust to watch the kids for a little bit each week. You can always quit and go back to staying at home if you realize its not for you.

    But I bet this is just a phase. If there's anything I have learned since becoming a mother just a few months ago, its that EVERYTHING is a phase. This too shall pass. At the risk of sounding like a Huggies commerical, enjoying the ride the best you can is what its all about.

    Hang in there!!! You are not alone!

  16. Oh my gosh no. I have been going through the same thing lately. It's been a tough last few weeks. I know I am in need of a break big time. There are some days I just want to run out the door and hop on a damn plane to anywhere in the world with a beach. But obviously that's not realistic for me to so :-). But I bet you would really feel great if you let yourself go take a weekend breather. You will be glad that you did when it's all said and done. You have to recharge once in a while. Let your parents take the kids for the weekend. If they can and will that is. Maybe you could ask your sis to help out so you know there is someone else there too.

    And I wouldn't push yourself to do the marathon. Can you just "downgrade" to a half? Maybe the training would be better for you that way. And not running at all and just enjoying what you have going on at the moment is fine too ya know! If you're in a groove I'd just stick with it!

  17. Hi darling - been crazy busy and have been out of blog world for the most part.

    First of all, Kara is soooo beautiful! I agree, it doesn't seem as though it's possible she's 1 year already.

    Second of all, not everyone is meant to be a SAHM just like not everyone is meant to be a working mom. Or, in my case, a mom at all. :D I read a long time ago that a lot of parents will stay home until the children go to school, but that the kids need you more when they start school - especially the preteen years

    Either way, hugs and don't be so hard on yourself.

    Angela/Pretty in Orange

  18. I am so inspired by you! Not only are you a stay-at-home-mom, but you also are an awesome athlete and cook! I honestly can't imagine being a stay-at-home-mom. It would be so tough! My good friend stays at home, and she goes through phases where she is down in the dumps and feels unmotivated about everything! She is home all day by herself with two very small kids and her husband works late a lot. We have gone out for frozen yogurt at 10:00 p.m. just to give her a break. Hang in there b/c you are awesome!