I’d say once a week, I start to worry and cause a ginormous headache that lasts all day. That day was yesterday. I start walking around school and thinking, I wish I wasn’t pregnant (horrible, awful thought- even though I want the little guy/girl), how can I live like I do now with a baby at home(go to the gym when I want, go run errands when I want, get my work done, etc etc), how is my life going to change, am I going to become a horrible teacher, how will I have time to bring work home, how will I stay home for 6-8 weeks and not want to tear out my hair, how will I then make sure I am around enough for my child, when I am also working (and I want to work because my job is a huge part of who I am) and on.. and on.. and on. I usually feel bad thinking these things, and most days I am thinking more positively about all of the fun things that are to come, but in the back of my head are all of these worries.
Other selfish worries are thinking about when I can't run for a while. It is really my life line and what I look forward to and what makes me feel good. Not being able to run at all, or not at a sufficient (to me) speed or for a long time is going to be very difficult. I know I should take it one day at a time, and I am sooo thankful that I can run still right now, I'm probably going to be struck down soon for being a complainer/worrier. Stop thinking about what is to come and start enjoying that I can run each day and it feels good. But I'm scared. Seeing pictures of huge ass pregnant ladies that look like all they can do is sit on a couch scares the S*** out of me!
Yesterday I had an awesome tm run. I felt like I wasn’t pregnant - this is the feeling that I prefer and I kind of pretend to myself that I am not pregnant bc I don't have any signs/symptoms except a bigger gut right now. I had to stop to go to the bathroom 3 times, and each time it was like no pee – but the pressure was making me stop to “go.” Weird feeling. This weekend my goal is to run 8, and I’m looking forward to next weekend’s distance run (race) in Philly!
Don't get me wrong - I am really psyched to have my own child, and that I am lucky enough to be pregnant and not have troubles. Also besides being a worry wart, this pregnancy is so easy. I would have to add that I was probably supposed to be a man - I would rather have someone else deliver me a child and I can enjoy the little person and not have my life flipped upside down. I have a hard time with being pregnant - but I want the end result. I just think it is unfair. I know it is beautiful and natural - but I think that is BS. I've always thought this and knew what I would be like when I was pregnant.. and I am like I thought, unfortunately.
Last I think that once I feel the little person moving I will feel better? I'm still in this in between stage where I just feel like I let myself go.
ONE DAY AT A TIME!